For the Love of Shepard
by MoonSword1994
Summary: The battlefield is not a typical place to find love but that does not stop Major Nathaniel Coats for falling for the legendary Commander Shepard. Starts off during war, continues post-war. Slight AU. Some spoilers for ME3 but changes have been made. A gift fic for my dear friend SparklyQuarians with help from fellow writer PiperSqueak.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I would like to give a great big thank you to PiperSqueak for assisting me in writing this chapter. You're a great friend, Pip, thank you again.**

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Chapter One

"Keep going men! Hold the line!" shouted Major Nathaniel Coats as he fired at a larger than life mechanical squid as it bared down on his troop's position. They had been fighting this same damned Reaper for what felt like hours now. Every shot they fired he prayed would be the one to end it, but now they were down to their last crate of ammunition and things were starting to look bleak.

Glancing over at his war-weary men he saw the same pain and defeat in their eyes he had seen in the vids of soldiers fighting the Reapers in many other battles. The same as the eyes of men who knew their time was up. The end was near and they would either win all or they would sacrifice all. There was no in-between.

His men needed hope. They needed hope like drowning men need one more breath of air. Hope above all else would keep them alive. Keep them fighting long enough for Shepard to do what only she could, win it all. But she was only one woman. She would need help. She would need someone she could depend on to watch her back as she drove ever forward.

The Citadel was the key, if she was going to win this, beat the Reapers once and for all, it would have to be there not here. And if he was going to be that support, be the shield that would protect her from enemies unseen, he would have to go there as well. So, he made his decision. He looked once more to his men, "Follow Shepard's lead, men," he said with a burst of strength he didn't even know he had left in his body. "I don't know about you but I'm gonna give my life, if I have to, to make sure someone wins this war and saves the day. You have your orders. Don't be heroes. Just help one another to live another minute, and when this is all over and those damn robot squids have been blown to cosmic dust, meet me at the bar. I'm buying the first round."

The men cheered around him, echoing his sentiments almost ten fold, with those few words he knew he had conveyed enough hope to sustain his men through the rest of the day's fight. Their shots became more concentrated on the Reaper each man making sure his bullet did not go to waste. Nathaniel was impressed at the improvement of his men's morale, he knew it might be a temporary fix but it might be just enough to get them through the next few crucial hours. A few hours would be just enough time for Shepard to do her thing and save the galaxy from the Reapers, they only had to hold on for a little while longer.

Suddenly the Reaper changed tactics, switching from the defensive to the offensive, the plates that covered the body of the Reaper parted to reveal the deadly laser in the center. The rifle in his arms felt heavier as he looked up at the laser center, this was their one and only shot at truly ending this son of a bitch but this was probably going to be their final act. With as much strength as he could muster he lifted his rifle and aimed at the red center ready to fire just as the beam was brought to life. He was ready for this, for the end of his existence, even his body seemed to be accepting the fate his mind had anticipated since joining the Alliance. The beam started towards him and he fired his rifle hitting it dead center, the creature re-covered its weak point before making a quick retreat. His victory was short lived however when the Reaper moved even closer than before, the beam exposed once again as the machine prepared to fire. Nathaniel prepared his rifle to shoot once again when suddenly pair of missiles hit the Reaper's laser center, causing the machine to explode almost instantly.

"The _Normandy_!" he heard someone shout and his eyes immediately went to the sky, he saw that indeed the ship of legends was flying overhead. He smiled to himself as he watched the ship fly across the battlefield looking even more magnificent than it appeared in the vids he had seen.

"Shepard!" shouted another soldier, and Nathaniel spun around to see Shepard running at top speed towards their position, her squad mates not too far behind. He immediately recognized who was following her, one teammate was Major Kaidan Alenko and the other was the Turian soldier Garrus Vakarian. They were known as Shepard's A-team, the fact they were here meant Shepard was anticipating a difficult win.

When she got close enough she calmed her pace to a brisk walk, even from this distance Nathaniel could see some cuts and bruises on her face, more than likely the result of her own fight. She was welcomed by cheers from the men around all ecstatic to see her alive and kicking ass beside them.

When she arrived beside him he reached out his hand which she grasped almost immediately, a smile spreading across her face which he felt himself returning, she certainly did have a strange effect on people. "Thanks for the help, love, you have impeccable timing," he said as he released her hand, "Where's Anderson?"

She indicated with her thumb that he was behind them, "He stayed back to talk strategy with Hackett, but he'll be here soon. We're just about ready for our final assault on the beam, what's your status, Coats?"

"We can be ready to move as soon as the supply trucks arrive," replied Nathaniel, glancing over at his men who were now getting medical attention from an Asari nurse. He heard the sound of rushing footsteps to his left, he looked over to see Anderson coming closer to them, many of the soldier saluting him as he past by.

"Major, Commander," said Anderson as they saluted him, "I just got word from Hackett, he's keeping the Reapers busy in space but a few have broken free and are headed for our position, be ready to leave for the beam, Shepard."

"Understood, Anderson," said Shepard, nodding in acknowledgement, "Kaidan, Garrus, we're heading out soon, be ready."

"Aye, aye, Nat," said Kaidan, giving her a friendly wink.

Nathaniel looked from Kaidan to Shepard, raising his eyebrow at the sound of what had to be Shepard's nickname, "What's Nat short for, love?"

"Natalie," said Natalie, and she brushed some dark hair out of her face as she looked across the battlefield at the beam, "This is almost over, in a matter of hours our fate will be decided."

Nathaniel stood beside her, gazing at the beam though his eyes kept wanting to look at her, "I thought this feeling would be different."

Natalie looked over at him with a puzzled look, "What feeling are you referring to, Coats?"

"The feeling of knowing this war was about to end," replied Nathaniel, meeting her blue eyes briefly before looking back at the beam, "I thought I'd feel some kind of relief, instead I'm feeling more apprehensive than I did when that Reaper was about level us with its beam just a few minutes ago."

He felt a hand rest on his shoulder, "We'll get through this, Coats, you'll see. We just have to hang in there a little bit longer."

Nathaniel rested his hand on hers not daring to look at her, he could not trust that his eyes would not give away his fear, "You're an inspiration, love, truly."

"Tell me that after we've beaten the Reapers," replied Natalie grimly, "Come on, let's see what Anderson has planned."

He nodded and followed her to where Anderson was standing with Kaidan and Garrus, a serious look on Anderson's face when he saw Natalie and Nathaniel approaching, "Shepard, Coats, you're just in time. We were just about to discuss our strategy for going after the beam, so far we're all in agreement that it'll have to be you, Shepard, who leads the charge."

"Sounds good," said Natalie and she looked at Kaidan and Garrus, "Alenko, Vakarian, you're with me. I'll radio Joker and tell him to prepare the _Normandy_, I have a feeling we're going to need her for this fight."

"Sounds good," said Anderson solemnly, then his eyes rested on Nathaniel, "Coats, I want you to accompany Shepard and her squad, I need the best out there."

Nathaniel saluted the admiral, "Aye, aye, Anderson."

"Wait, will your troop be alright without you, Coats?" asked Natalie, she turned to look at him, concern evident in her voice.

He looked over at his battered men, as much as he wanted to stay with his troop he knew his place was now with Shepard and Anderson as they made their assault on the beam. "They'll be alright without me, they're a tough group of buggers."

"Now that that's been settled, we need to get going, we have a war to win," said Anderson, "Shepard, are you and the rest of the team ready?"

Natalie looked at Kaidan and Garrus who both nodded. "We're right behind you, Shepard, to the bitter end," said Garrus.

Natalie's lips twitched in the barest of smiles, "I know, Garrus, I can always count you and the rest of the squad." She turned to Nathaniel, her blue eyes rooting him to the spot, "Coats, if you need a few moments with your men, now's the time to take them. I still have to radio my pilot."

He nodded, surprised that even in the middle of a huge battle she was still considering others, "Thanks, love." He walked over to his troops, attempting to ignore the pit in his stomach as he tried to come up with the words to tell his men that he was going with Shepard and Anderson to the beam. Some of his men looked up at his approach, others were still too engaged in making necessary repairs to their weapons to even give him a glance, somehow he knew they already had figured his plan out.

"Men, how're you doing?" asked Nathaniel when he was close enough, by their drawn faces he knew they were ready to eat a hot meal and sleep. He desperately wanted to give them that reprieve but knew it would not be possible yet. _'Just another goal to work towards.'_

His lieutenant rose from the ground, saluting him before speaking, "We're doing alright, Major, nothing we can't handle. Is this it?"

A simple question. He would have preferred a more in depth question that required some eloquent speaking to answer. "Yeah," he said, his eyes cast down at the ground, "this is it."

His lieutenant gave him a curt nod, "Then, on behalf of all who have had the honor of serving with you, we wish you good luck, sir. We're holding you to that promise of buying us a round of beer at the pub."

Nathaniel laughed, glad for the small bit of relief his lieutenant had thrown to him like a lifeline, "Don't worry, mates, I'll be back before you know it. I've never had the honor of serving with such magnificent soldiers as you all, you've had my back from the start, we've conquered and we've lost. Know that no matter the outcome, you're all heros in every respect."

His men stood up, even the ones that seemed too tired to stand again, and saluted him. He was touched by the gesture even though it was commonplace there was something different, he looked in their eyes and saw the pride shining through the pain. That was what was different, the men were actually proud of what they were doing here, glad to have served together and he was almost moved to tears. "Men, dismissed," said Nathaniel nearly choking on the emotion that had swelled in his throat as he spoke, he felt as if he were leaving his blood family behind. His men moved their hands back to their sides and he forced himself to leave them, he mentally told himself not to look back.

Nathaniel saw that Shepard, Anderson, Kaidan and Garrus were now standing on the edge of the ledge looking at the beam and the many obstacles between here and there. He joined them, standing between Shepard and Garrus, "Bloody hell, have you ever seen anything like that before, Shepard?"

"Can't say I have, Coats, can't say I have," replied Natalie softly, her voice changed almost instantly when Anderson gave his signal that it was time to charge, "Let's move people!"

She jumped off the ledge, Anderson quickly on her heels, Kaidan and Garrus followed shortly after leaving Nathaniel standing there briefly glancing down at the others as they charged the field. _'It's now or never, Coats, take the leap.'_ He jumped down after a few more seconds and caught up with the others before they were too overwhelmed by enemies. When he glanced over at Shepard he saw a smile on her face when she noticed he was running right beside her, he smiled back at her, hope filling his soul as he sprinted towards death.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Finally the second installment! There are SPOILERS in this chapter, so reader beware! I took some liberty with the dialogue and a few of the events but other than that it's pretty set in the original story line. **

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Chapter Two

The ground trembled ominously as they entered the middle of the battlefield, Nathaniel felt himself falling to the ground only to be stopped by Shepard and they both turned their attention to the beam. Behind the gateway to the Citadel a huge Reaper appeared with its laser center already opened and pointing at the field. Time seemed to stand still as the Reaper encroached closer and closer to the beam, there was movement around him but all Nathaniel could focus on was the mother of all Reapers. He turned to Shepard hoping for an explanation or some kind of order but all he got was a scared look from the bravest woman in the galaxy.

Her lips moved and only a whisper emerged from her parted lips. "Harbinger."

"God save us all," he muttered and he darted forward, gun in hand hoping to reach the beam before Harbinger's laser found him first. At first, he thought he was alone in this pursuit only when he glanced to his right did he see Shepard keeping pace with him, a determined look etched deeply into her features. He was glad to see that the fear of Harbinger's presence had not stopped her from completing the mission nor did the flying Makos and Kodiaks seem to perturb her even slightly. They easily avoided the lasers being fired, able to predict their path by the changes in Harbinger's position and Nathaniel felt confident they would make it to the beam with little trouble now that they knew how to survive.

Suddenly a Mako was shot into their path causing both Shepard and Nathaniel to come to a screeching halt just as another one was shot at and flipped over the one in their path. He looked back just in time to see the flying Mako nearly strike both Garrus and Kaidan luckily both jumped out of the way though just barely. Shepard darted back for her crew members no longer caring about the their progress to the beam her attention now completely on getting her friends to safety. Torn between duty and heart he charged back to Shepard and helped Garrus back onto his feet while Shepard carried Kaidan to the shelter of the flipped Mako, he brought the Turian back over to them.

"_Normandy_, I need an evac right now!" shouted Shepard into her earpiece. There was a pause before Nathaniel heard the pilot agree to come to the battlefield and then less than two seconds later the ship of legends flew in close. He felt a sense of relief as he helped Garrus to his feet again and ran with him to the open bay doors of the _Normandy_.

Garrus shrugged him off as they became closer to the ramp. "I can take it from here, Coats, thanks." The Turian did not sound angry, on the contrary, he sounded almost grateful for the help he had received. Nathaniel nodded and watched as the Turian entered the ship, pausing only to take a heavily injured Major Alenko from the arms of Shepard.

"Get out of here!" he heard her shout but the Major refused to move another inch.

"That's not going to happen, Shepard!" Kaidan cried, a desperate look on his face as he watched Shepard back down the ramp.

"That's an order, Major!" she exclaimed though he heard the crack in her voice, he knew she did not want to leave her crew but had no other alternative.

Kaidan stretched out his hand to her, silently begging her to take it, she brushed it off with a wave of her hand. "You know I can't do that, Kaidan," she said, her voice thick with emotion. There was another rumble from Harbinger bringing them all back to reality, Shepard finished her descent off of the ramp and sharply gestured for them to leave. With that done she turned her back on her ship and crew and he followed her example though it pained him to do so, the _Normandy_ had seemed like a safe haven though if only for a moment. They charged once again into the heat of battle, their feet hitting the ground in rhythm as they avoided more laser fire, they were so close he could almost feel the beam. _'Just a little further,'_ he thought, it seemed almost possible they would get there without injury. In the back of his mind he heard Harbinger preparing for another attack but he was too focused on the beam to notice it was aimed right for him and for Shepard.

Instantly he felt his body flying backwards as his skin burned and cooked on his bones, pieces of his armor were thrown off his body in huge chunks, the sensation was strange and he felt as if he were floating towards the sky until his body hit the ground with a sickening thud. The world went black for a few moments, his senses told him that the world had ended and he too would join it but his still beating heart informed him otherwise. His eyes weakly opened and the world around him was blurred and spinning as he tried to sit up, hell being able to move his legs would have been a victory, but all he could do was move his head.

"Coats!" he heard someone shout but in his mind he could not place the fuzzy voice, instead he sat there trying to shake the clouded feeling in his head. "Coats!" came the voice again and this time he found the strength to lift his head and look around, he saw Shepard laying on her belly not too far from his position. Nathaniel lifted his hand towards her though his body protested greatly and he took solace when he felt her gripping it tightly, hope was still there, it was not lost after all.

With great difficulty he let go of her hand and rose on shaky legs, he could feel the burns on his body still cooking his skin and knew by the heaviness of his chest there were several broken ribs. He focused not on the pain but on getting Shepard back on her feet, he chanced a look at the sky and saw that Harbinger had quit the field which to him was a good omen. Nathaniel moved as quickly as he could the few steps to Shepard's side though it was difficult, his back felt stiff and broken and his legs were like jelly, but his resolve was not shaken as he stretched out his hand to the equally broken Commander. She took his hand with unheard of strength and together they pulled her to her feet, he glanced at her hands and saw burns on both forearms, her armor was gone from most of her body but still present where it counted. He was surprised to see a pistol clutched in her right hand but figured it would not do them any good to argue with her having her sidearm.

"Can you walk?" he asked in a quiet voice, his throat felt as if it too were on fire.

She gave a firm nod which he took as good as any spoken words. Nathaniel brought her nearest arm around his neck and with his other arm he wrapped it snugly around her waist to hold her as upright as he could. He did not wait for permission nor did he care if she protested, his priority was getting her to the beam and from there ending this war, but he could not do either if he waited for proper protocol. They walked as fast as they could towards the beam, it was probably one hundred feet away but it might as well have been ten thousand.

Shepard looked up at Nathaniel and a smile ghosted her cut lips. "You don't have to do this, Coats," she said, her voice weak. "You should get yourself looked at."

Nathaniel looked down at her and could not resist a small joke. "You're one to talk, love, but you're still prettier than me."

"Point taken," chuckled Shepard though she winced sharply in pain.

He knew it was important to have her focused on the mission but he could tell her mind was only on the pain she was feeling in her broken body, he had to get her talking again, her silence troubled him a great deal. "Tell me about what Earth used to be like," he said as they staggered closer to the beam. "I know you grew up in Florida, come on, Natalie tell me about it."

She drew a shaky breath as she thought of her old home, so far away from her now and most likely destroyed by the Reapers. "Hot and humid, lots of green land and beaches on the coast, I used to go there with my dad before he died. Why're you asking me about this, Coats, I thought you lived on Earth?"

"When I was a kid I lived in Carlisle then we moved to Arcturus," he said still holding her up. "Haven't been back since the war started, someday you'll have to show me those beaches."

"Deal," she groaned and leaned on him for more support, finding it harder and harder to keep upright the more they walked.

They finally arrived at the beam, he held onto her tighter as they broke the barrier and entered the bright white light. Nathaniel felt suddenly weightless as the beam transported him and Shepard up to the Citadel.

* * *

Somewhere high above Earth, Admiral Hackett stood at the terminal in the center of his warship waiting for any intel from the surface below. He heard frantic footsteps approaching him and he turned to see one of his lieutenants running towards him with a data pad extended out for him to take. He grabbed the data pad from the lieutenant's hand and scanned it for the news he was hoping for.

"Holy shit, she did it," he mumbled before opening up fleet wide communications. "Attention all fleets, we have confirmation that we have boots on the Citadel. Our priority now is guarding the Crucible at all costs."

* * *

When he finally came to his senses, Nathaniel felt something solid underneath his body it felt like a floor but he could not be sure until he found the strength to open his eyes. His eyelids opened but all he could see was a red light combined with the darkness of the room, from what he could tell it was some kind of narrow corridor. He turned his gaze from the light to the dark mounds against the nearest wall, if he could have screamed he would have when he saw a pair of dead human eyes looking back at him. "Shepard," he managed to croak out, his voice echoed all around the room.

"I'm here," she answered somewhere to his left. "You alright, Coats?"

"I've felt better," he said trying to laugh but instead he groaned, breathing was starting to become harder and harder to do with each passing second. "What about you, love?" He could tell even in the shadows that she was already on her feet, the soft glow of the pistol's core shone brightly in her hand.

"I feel like death," he heard her wheeze. There was a pause. "Anderson? That you?"

Shepard's voice fell silent as she listened to Anderson on the other end of her comm device. "I've got Coats with me," she said and then he heard a small ping in his ear.

"Coats, you there, son?" asked Anderson.

Nathaniel groaned as he moved his hand to his ear. "Yeah, I'm here, Admiral."

"Now that we're all connected, can either of you tell me where the hell you are?" asked Anderson, he sounded as bad as Nathaniel felt.

"We're in a hallway of sorts," replied Shepard as she came better into his view, she offered him a hand and he took it, he had more trouble than he thought he would as he stood up. His legs threatened to give out but something in him prevented him from tumbling down again, perhaps it was sheer will to live or maybe it was his determination to see this through that kept him upright.

"Lots of dead bodies, too," commented Nathaniel as he and Shepard started walking down the dark corridor.

"Where are you, Anderson?" asked Shepard, holding Nathaniel up as they past by a bug eyed Keeper.

"Some place similar," replied Anderson. "Reminds me of your description of the Collector base. Do you think they're using these bodies to build another Reaper?"

Shepard gave a feeble nod. "Makes sense, harvest the dead and process them into these tubes, must be easier when there isn't a whole helluva lot of resistance."

Nathaniel felt a shudder move through his body and it had nothing to do with the cold hallway they were walking in. "I saw some holos of that thing a few months ago, gave me nightmares for weeks."

Shepard gave a halfhearted grin. "Try seeing it in person alive and kicking."

"How about I don't and we say I did," joked Nathaniel.

"If you two are quite done," said Anderson, slightly irritated. "I'm coming into a chasm with more hallways like the one I was just in—shit!"

"What?!" exclaimed both Shepard and Nathaniel.

"A wall just moved," replied Anderson, he almost sounded in awe of what he was seeing. "I think this place is . . . changing."

Nathaniel and Shepard exchanged a worried look as they approached what appeared to be a door, when they got closer it opened up and revealed what could only be the chasm Anderson had mentioned earlier. They hobbled down the ramp before them all the while Shepard had her pistol raised incase some kind of unforeseen danger rounded the corner, he was amazed that she was still able to hold her gun up at all, her arm looked like she had stuck it in a flamethrower.

"I see something up ahead," came Anderson's voice as they entered the middle of the chasm. "Looks like there might be a console of some sorts."

Shepard grunted as she nearly tripped. "Don't get too far ahead of us, Anderson."

"She's right, Admiral," agreed Coats as he caught her. "We're right behind you, we're halfway through that chasm you mentioned earlier."

Anderson appeared to not have heard their pleas to wait for them. "I'm just going to go ahead and check this ou—"

Anderson's voice was cut out.

"Anderson?" said Shepard, her voice panicked. "Anderson, come in! Damn it!"

He gently squeezed her shoulder. "I'm sure he's fine, love."

"He better be, or I'll kick his ass from here to Earth," growled Shepard and Nathaniel gave a breathy laugh. They continued their slow progress up the next ramp, at least now they could see some kind of light but as they approached the top he felt an uneasiness settling in his stomach as if this was all too easy. When they were over the final step up to the top of the platform they entered a room with a panoramic view of the closed arms of the Citadel, under different circumstances this would have been a beautiful view. They saw Anderson standing at the console he had mentioned just a few moments ago.

"Anderson," said Shepard hopefully as she released her grip on Nathaniel and moved from his side closer to where Anderson was standing. The admiral turned towards them but there was something off about his movements, they were jerky and forced as if he were a puppet on a string.

He struggled to speak clearly. "Shepard . . . Coats . . . run . . ."

Nathaniel was about to ask what he meant when he felt an ice cold chill pierce his body and travel through him like water, he could not move any of his limbs, he was trapped. He looked up at Shepard and saw that she was too, her body frozen in the position it had just been in a few moments ago.

"It appears I've underestimated you, Shepard," came a male voice from behind Nathaniel. He desperately wanted to turn around and see who it was but his body would not allow him this simple movement.

"You!" groaned Shepard, she obviously did not need to see whomever was speaking to know he was an enemy. "What have you done?!"

The man behind him chuckled. "I told you before, Shepard, control is the key to survival. If control includes you as well as the Reapers, then so be it." The man at last came into Nathaniel's field of vision but once he got a look at the man's face, he wished he had stayed out of sight. He was an older human that much was certain but his face and neck were almost completely consumed by wires and cybernetics, the silver glowing eyes gave away his identity.

"So you're the Illusive Bastard?" quipped Nathaniel.

The Illusive Man turned his attention to Nathaniel. "It seems you brought another one of your Alliance self righteous lackeys, haven't you lost enough of them already, Shepard?"

Nathaniel snarled as images of his dead friends and colleagues flashed before his eyes. "You might want to watch what you say, Illusive Bastard."

"I don't believe you're in the position to be making threats, Major," said the Illusive Man coolly. He snapped his fingers and Nathaniel shot up straight in the air, his back arched and limbs spread, he cried out in pain despite himself.

Shepard stepped in, unable to watch the Illusive Man torment Nathaniel any longer. "Stop it!" The Illusive Man turned his gaze back to Shepard. "I think you'll find controlling us different from controlling a Reaper!"

"I think that demonstration just proved you otherwise, Shepard," replied the Illusive Man as he snapped his fingers again and Nathaniel dropped to the floor though still under the Illusive Man's control.

Anderson turned to the Illusive Man. "You fool, you can't even see that they're controlling you!"

"On the contrary, Admiral," said the Illusive Man smugly. "You both could do with a little faith." He started to pace between Anderson and Shepard. "Years ago, when humanity first discovered the mass relays and by extension the rest of the galaxy, there were some who believed it would be best to destroy them. They feared what we might find . . . or what we might welcome in. But look at all humanity has achieved since then, we have advanced further in these last thirty years than we did in ten thousand years prior!" He sounded almost proud of this accomplishment, as if he had singlehandedly pushed the human race into the galaxy. "The Reapers can do all that and more for us. But . . ."

Shepard suddenly pressed her forehead against her free palm and Nathaniel watched in horror as her pistol raised at Anderson.

" . . . only if we learn to harness the ability to control the Reapers," continued the Illusive Man.

Anderson's hand raised against Shepard's pistol. "That's bullshit! The only way we can gain control over them is if we destroy them before they destroy us!"

"And waste the only opportunity humanity has at becoming the most advanced race in the entire galaxy?! Never!" shouted the Illusive Man.

Nathaniel chuckled. "Sounds like you've gone stark raving mad, Illusive Bastard."

The Illusive Man flicked his hand and Nathaniel was stretched just a little further but it was enough to make his body feel as if it were going to rip in half.

"Coats is right," said Shepard calmly, "you're playing with forces you have no idea about, you don't know what they might do to you or humanity in the long run!"

"I . . ." the Illusive Man seemed hesitant to answer. "I don't believe you. If that kind of power is there for the taking, and we can control it, why shouldn't we grab our chance for glory?"

"Because," panted Shepard, her pistol arm shaking, "we're not ready yet."

Nathaniel was impressed, even under these terrible conditions she was still able to keep a clear head and reason with the ravings of a lunatic.

"You're wrong!" shouted the Illusive Man though his voice was loud they could all tell his confidence was wavering. "This is the only way we can guarantee humanity evolves as it should!"

Anderson shook his head as best he could. "No, Illusive Man, you're the one who's wrong," he said firmly, "there's always another way to do things."

The Illusive Man seemed almost amused with Anderson's protests. "I've dedicated my life to studying the Reapers and I know for a fact the Crucible will allow me the ability to gain control over the Reapers."

"And what's your big plan for after you gain an army of mechanical squids?" sneered Nathaniel.

The Illusive Man turned his silver eyes to Nathaniel. "Look at the power they wield, you buffoon, look at what they can do!" He clenched his fist and an aura of purple energy encompassed his hand. Suddenly a shot rang out and Anderson flinched, Nathaniel knew without looking that the Illusive Man had caused Shepard to shoot her friend and mentor, he truly was a sick bastard.

Shepard shook her head. "I've seen what they've done, what they've done to you."

"You idiot!" cried the Illusive Man. "I took what I wanted from them and made it my own! This isn't about either of us, Shepard, this is about the bigger picture!"

"Don't listen to him, Nat!" panted Nathaniel.

"That's right, Shepard, don't listen to the man who's done more than you know for humanity," taunted the Illusive Man, "listen to the head strong Marine who only knows how to point and shoot, obeying orders from men much smarter than he is."

"I'm smart enough to know when I'm being insulted by an arrogant, condescending asshole!" spat Nathaniel.

The Illusive Man ignored his words and continued on with his monologue. "What if you're wrong, Shepard, and controlling the Reapers is the right answer?"

"Well, what if you're wrong?" argued Shepard. "If we destroy the Reapers now, this entire war and the cycles end today, but if you try to control them and can't . . ."

"But I can! I know I can!" protested the Illusive Man though his voice was cracking.

Shepard shook her head again, her pistol now pointing towards the Illusive Man. "Are you willing to bet humanity's existence on it?!" she demanded. She saw him struggling just as Saren had when she had presented him with a similar argument. "They won't let you, and you know that!"

"No!" he shouted, pointing an accusing finger at Shepard. "I'm in control! No one is telling me what to do or how to do it!"

"Listen to yourself!" shouted Anderson. "You've been indoctrinated."

"No, I . . ." started the Illusive Man but the normally articulate man was at a loss for words.

"Let us go," said Shepard gently, "we'll take care of the rest."

The Illusive Man walked behind Anderson and took his pistol from the back holster. "I'm afraid I can't do that, Commander. You three would undo all I've worked so hard to accomplish for humanity."

"Because of what you've accomplished, humanity's already undone," spat Shepard. "They have control of the Citadel. They've got us fighting each other instead of fighting them! You've done exactly what the Reapers' have wanted all along and you're still listening to them because they control you! Not the other way around!"

"They're too strong!" cried out the Illusive Man helplessly, waving Anderson's pistol around in the air.

"You can fight them!" shouted Shepard, knowing what was likely to come next. "You're stronger than them, than this! Don't let them win!"

The Illusive Man brought the pistol up to his temple. "I'm sorry, Shepard, I tried." There was a click, then a bang and the Illusive Man's body dropped to the ground with a thud.

Nathaniel felt his own body drop to the ground, as much as he was glad to be released from the Illusive Man's hold he wished he could have put him down before shooting his brains out. Shepard came over and helped him to his feet and together they walked to the console, he broke away from her side when he saw Anderson collapse, letting her make the rest of the trip to the console. He heard her pressing in the sequence that would open up the arms of the Citadel but his focus was on Anderson, he could clearly see his wound was spilling a great deal of blood. Gently he propped him up on the raised platform in the center of the room and sat beside him exhaustion finally catching up with him.

"We did it, love," breathed Coats as he moved so she could sit between him and Anderson.

"Yeah, we did," said Shepard with a small smile as she leaned agains the platform.

"What a beautiful view," whispered Anderson as he admired the view of Earth. "God, feels like it's been years since I've just . . . sat down."

Shepard's breath was getting shaky as she tried to find the strength to speak. "I know the feeling."

Nathaniel felt her body go slightly more limp as she spoke. "Stay with me, Natalie, we're almost done. We need you in this fight."

She turned to him and smiled weakly, her eyes staying closed longer than he would have liked.

Anderson coughed though it was not one to interrupt their moment. "You've done great work, I'm proud of you, Natalie." The old admiral's eyes drifted over to the view of Earth one last time before he exhaled one last shaky breath and his soul left his body.

"Thank you, sir," whispered Shepard. She knew he was gone but did not want to bring it to Coats' attention, instead she leaned over and rested her head against his shoulder, she could feel her own life draining away as they sat there admiring the view of their home.

"Shepard! Commander!" came Hackett's voice through her ear piece.

She tried to shake the feeling of sleep from her body, instead focusing on Hackett's voice. "Yeah, what do you need me to do?"

"What's going on, Shepard?" asked Nathaniel, he too was fighting off the urge to slip into the tempting offer of eternal slumber.

Her voice was soft when she spoke, barely above a whisper. "It's Hackett, he says there's a problem with the Crucible, it's not firing." She shifted off his shoulder but collapsed onto the floor, weak from blood loss and exhaustion. She tried to stand but her arms gave out forcing her to crawl towards the console.

Nathaniel followed behind her, wanting to help in anyway even if it meant being there for her final moments, he refused to let her die alone. "Natalie," he said when he saw her collapse in front of the console. "I'm right here, love, it's going to be alright." He reached out his hand and found hers, he gripped it tightly and waited for the inevitable. His eyes started to close and the faint noise of explosions just outside the Citadel were silenced as he felt himself falling down the abyss.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Finally, an update! Yes, I know it's been a long time but don't worry, I haven't forgotten you. There is some original dialogue from the game plus some extra. There are SPOILERS so read at your own risk. Hope you enjoy!**

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Chapter Three

Nathaniel opened his eyes hesitantly, he almost expected to be at the pearly gates, instead he found himself in a huge room almost equivalent to an observatory. Somehow he managed to get himself onto his knees, the pain and exhaustion of the day catching up with him as he sat there trying to clear the foggy feeling in his head. He tried to focus on one thing, though the room was so overwhelming it was hard to, so he settled for the ceiling. Overhead he could clearly see Earth still being attacked by the Reapers, though no sound penetrated the room, save for the heavy breathing to his right. He glanced over and saw Shepard on all fours trying to breathe evenly, her limbs were shaking as she sat there, he looked down and saw a small puddle of blood forming underneath her. "Natalie, are you alright?" he asked, his voice barely above a whisper, he reached over and put his hand on her shoulder.

"I'm fine," she breathed, though he could hear the pain in her strained voice. "Where are we?" Together they helped each other stand up, their movements jerky and slow but they were eventually able to bring themselves to a semi-upright position.

"I'm not sure, love," he said, then he heard a gentle humming. Tearing his eyes from her he looked around for the source of the sound, it was coming from what appeared to be a gigantic generator, there was a beam of energy running straight through what looked like a connection point. He looked at the base and saw a strange sight, it looked like a ghost was coming straight for them, instinctively he reached for his gun but found nothing his holsters. The being kept getting closer, its pace never slowing down, so instead he physically put himself between Shepard and the glowing creature. If this thing was a threat, he was going to take the hit and save her, she was far more valuable to the galaxy than he was. When it got within sight he could make out the being resembled a small child, probably no more than eight or nine years old if it had been a solid figure, instead of a glowing transparent . . . thing.

"Good," said the being, it's voice echoing throughout the observatory, it was gentle and quiet though still sent chills down Nathaniel's spine, "you're both awake. Follow me." The boy started walking again, though this time towards the generator.

Shepard looked at Nathaniel who merely shrugged, he was not eager to follow this being but if it meant they might get a straight answer about how to destroy the Reapers, he was all for it. With slow steps, he followed the being, glad when he saw Shepard right beside him though she looked worse than before. _'I hope there's a way back to the fleet, she needs medical attention,'_ he thought as he reached out and took her free hand, her other one was covering the bleeding wound on her abdomen. The brief smile that crossed her lips was worth breaking her personal space barrier, what was even better was when he felt her squeezing his hand as hard as she could, as if telling him she appreciated all he had done for her.

"What are you exactly?" asked Shepard, breaking the silence.

"I'm the Catalyst," said the Catalyst.

Nathaniel raised an eyebrow. "I thought the Citadel was the Catalyst, that's why we made such an effort to get here."

"No, the Citadel is my home, it is part of me," said the Catalyst, looking over his shoulder at the pair, before stopping just short of what Nathaniel now recognized as the Crucible.

"We need to stop the Reapers, do you know how?" asked Shepard. She sounded exhausted, as if the pain and stress from every battle she had ever fought had finally caught up to her at last.

The Catalyst was silent for a few moments, simply staring at them. "I might be able to, I control the Reapers. They are my solution."

"Solution to what?" asked Nathaniel, now very concerned about the situation they were in, if this being actually was responsible for the Reapers, then maybe they should be fighting it instead of cooperating.

"Chaos," replied the Catalyst simply, as if the answer were staring them straight in the face. "The created will always rebel against their creators, but we found a way to restore order, one that would benefit all forms of life in the end."

Shepard's face screwed into a painful grimace, she had obviously connected the dots. "By wiping out all organic life."

"No," said the Catalyst sternly, "that's not what we do, we harvest the most advance civilizations and leave the younger ones alive, like we did with yours during the last harvest."

Nathaniel shuddered. "But you killed the others, ending innocent lives."

The look the Catalyst gave resembled something close to amusement. "What we did was help them ascend, we take the old life and preserve it in Reaper form, allowing the newer life to flourish."

"I think we'd rather keep our own form," said Shepard defiantly, and Nathaniel grinned. Even though they were in a life or death situation, she still kept up her rebellious streak, not giving in when all else seemed to fail.

The Catalyst looked shocked, maybe surprised was the better term, though whether it was true emotion was up for debate. "No, you can't . . . if left to their own devices, synthetics will wipe out all organic life, the cycle prevents this outcome from happening."

"It's been fifty-thousand years since the last cycle," said Nathaniel, tightening his grip on Shepard's hand as he spoke. "When is this outcome going to occur? How do you even know this will happen?"

"My creators predicted this outcome eons ago, which is why I was created," replied the Catalyst. "I was meant to be the mediator between organics and synthetics, to bring balance to their conflict, to forge a connection. Our efforts, however, always ended in conflict so a new solution was required for this problem."

"The Reapers," said Shepard and Nathaniel in unison.

The Catalyst nodded. "Precisely."

"If the Reapers are your solution," said Shepard, pressing on, "what are they? Where did they come from?"

These questions seemed to please the Catalyst. "My creators gave them form, I gave them function, in turn they give me purpose. The Reapers are the synthetic embodiment of my creators."

"And who exactly are your creators?" asked Nathaniel in spite of himself.

"Leviathan," hissed Shepard. "I met them, they told me how you betrayed them, you wiped out most of their species. Their only consolation now is they're now fighting against you, trying to preserve organic life, which they originally sought to destroy taking away your only purpose."

"Sometimes, you really have to appreciate the irony of a situation," remarked Nathaniel. "You were created to prevent the uprising of created against their creators when you did the very bloody thing they wanted to stop!"

"Yes, that is true," said the Catalyst. "When my creators sought the solution to this problem, they did not take into account that they were part of it, though my betrayal as you call it was inevitable. They became the first true Reaper, the one you call Harbinger."

Nathaniel looked over at Shepard. "As much as I'm enjoying the history lesson, do you think we could get on with the part where we figure out how to blow these bastards back to the black hole from whence they came?"

Shepard gave him a small smile and then turned her attention back to the Catalyst. "My friend's right, we need to end the Reapers, but I have a few more questions."

"That is fine," replied the Catalyst. "Organics have always used inquiries as their method of gaining answers to difficult concepts, you do not disappoint."

If these words were meant for insult, it was lost on Shepard who's famous one track mind was taking hold of her better judgement. "First, why is your form that of an eight year old child? One that I saw on Earth, a child who's now dead."

"This is not my true form," said the Catalyst, "when I first approached, you did not know what I was, so your mind changed my appearance to something more recognizable to you. This was your way of dealing with a situation you had never encountered before, it was quite resourceful."

"So why can I see you like Shepard does?" asked Nathaniel, he had not seen this particular child before so why he was seeing something from Shepard's mind was strange.

The Catalyst looked at him and then looked at Shepard. "I am not sure, perhaps my true form assumed this one from her mind and projected it for all to witness, but that does not matter in the greater scheme of things."

"Did you have to create someone so arrogant?" Nathaniel whispered to Shepard.

"I don't think I did," she whispered back.

"Are there any more questions?" asked the Catalyst.

Shepard nodded. "You mentioned that the Reapers were your solution to an eternal conflict your creators saw between organics and synthetics, but how do they actually solve anything?"

The Catalyst appeared to smile. "I'm glad you finally came to that particular topic, it shows how far humans have come in their intelligence if they are able to reason. Organics create synthetics to better their own existence but those improvements have their own limitations. In order to exceed these limits, synthetics must be allowed to evolve, in essence they must surpass their creators. The result is the conflict and chaos my creators foretold, it is the inevitable outcome. The Reapers are not discriminating, they harvest all life both organic and synthetic, in an effort to preserve them before they are lost to this aforementioned conflict."

"We are at war with them right this bloody second!" protested Nathaniel, pointing at the Alliance ships as they exploded all around.

The Catalyst shook its head. "You may be in conflict with the Reapers, but they are not interested in war. They are merely carrying out their intended duty, you are the ones who are resisting and not allowing the harvest to end this cycle. We harvest your bodies, your knowledge, your creations and preserve them so they are able to be reborn in Reaper form. This is how we restore and maintain the balance needed for life to continue."

Shepard shut her eyes and bowed her head as if she felt some kind of sympathy to this creature. "You just don't get it. What you're doing is taking away our future, without a future to fight for we have no hope, and without that hope we might as well be you. Bowing down to our programming, waiting for the day when it all ends. You're simply carrying out what you were told to do but you don't think for yourself, you are ending life before you see if there still is potential for the conflict. You are ending what might be the start of a new cycle where organics and synthetics are able to coexist."

"You speak of cohabitation as if it were happening now," argued the Catalyst, "but what about the Quarian race? Were they not at war with the Geth for three hundred years?"

"How do you know that?" asked Nathaniel, suddenly very worried that this Catalyst being has been involved in their lives long before now.

"I was watching, and have been for sometime now," it said simply. "I have watched the interactions of this cycle very closely, waiting for a better solution to arise, but it has not."

"Then I guess you weren't there when the Quarians and Geth ended their war?" asked Shepard smugly. "Now they're working together to rebuild their shared home world, something I doubt would have happened in the last cycle."

The Catalyst was silent for a moment, a sign Nathaniel did not like at all. "You might be right, perhaps there is a chance for organics and synthetics to peacefully coexist, but it will not be in this cycle. This cycle has come to an end."

"No it hasn't!" shouted Shepard. "There's still a chance this could be the cycle where your solution comes from, don't take that hope away!"

"It has not been taken away," said the Catalyst calmly. "The hope you speak of is still present, actually, there is more of it than you think. The fact the two of you are standing here, the first organic beings ever, proves it. But . . . it also proves you are right, a new solution is needed."

"What do we do now?" asked Shepard, glancing over at Nathaniel.

"Find a new solution," interjected the Catalyst and it started walking again towards where the Crucible and Citadel were joined together.

Nathaniel felt Shepard tug on his hand and he followed her down the walkway, stopping just a foot away from the Catalyst, he saw that the being was gazing at the beam that ran through the connection point. He thought the being looked almost sad that his time had come to an end and a new era would dawn, in a way he could sympathize with the Catalyst. Everything he had ever known had changed in one day much like the Catalyst's, not only that but their destinies and the shape of their shared universe would be decided in a few minutes.

"The two of you have altered the variables," said the Catalyst after several moments of silence. "When the Crucible was attached to the Citadel, it changed me, gave me new . . . possibilities. I cannot, however, make them happen. The choice is up to you."

"What do we have to do?" asked Nathaniel. He was still trying to wrap his mind around the idea that they were going to be responsible for the fate of the galaxy. _'I think this is how it feels to be Shepard,'_ he mused as he glanced over at her. If she was nervous about what they were about to do, she was doing a fantastic job at hiding the fact.

"You must use the Crucible," said the Catalyst, his voice shaking Nathaniel from his thoughts. "While it is crude in design and little more than a power source, it will prove to be an effective medium. When put in combination with the Citadel and the mass relays, it has the capability of releasing tremendous amounts of energy throughout the galaxy."

"This seems too easy," muttered Shepard. She turned her full attention to the Catalyst. "Why are you helping us? We might decide to use the Crucible to destroy you."

"There must be a solution to chaos and if that is the solution, then so be it," said the Catalyst, the being did not seem perturbed by the fact it might not exist again.

Shepard turned to Nathaniel and gave him a strained smile. "Looks like it's up to us, Nate. Ready to save the galaxy?"

_'Hell no, that's your job, Shepard,'_ he thought to himself. "I am if you are," he said firmly, there was no backing out of this now.

She gave a small nod and then turned back to the Catalyst. "We're ready."

"Now that you have accepted the task of creating a new solution, you now have the power to destroy us," said the Catalyst, pointing towards a red generator to their immediate right. "Be warned, not only will this destroy me and the Reapers, it will also destroy all other synthetics. None will be spared and all synthetics will be affected. Even you will be affected, female, as you are held together by synthetic materials."

"What exactly will happen?" demanded Shepard, clearly she was not satisfied with this basic description of the first choice.

"While the Crucible is mostly intact, it's energy will not be restricted to the Reapers in the immediate vicinity," said the Catalyst. "When activated, the energy released will affect the technology you use on a daily basis such as your ships and medical treatments. Those who survive this conflict, however, should have little difficulty repairing the damage done by the Crucible."

"Sounds like a good deal to me," said Nathaniel, his eyes focused on the generator the Catalyst had pointed to. "This whole war will be over and we can rebuild."

"I find this interesting," said the Catalyst. "One of you wishes for the end of all synthetic life while the other has expressed that organics and synthetics are ready to coexist, your species has certainly evolved past only living for basic needs. The male does not even want to acknowledge that there may be another way."

Nathaniel sighed heavily, this being was starting to become more trouble that it was worth. "It's not that I'm not acknowledging the possibilities, I just think it would be better for all involved if we start again from scratch."

Shepard looked at him with a sad smile. "Would it be fair? Yes, it seems like the easier option but is it the best option? Look at all that has happened in this war as far as organic-synthetic relations, the Geth and Quarians are working together and the Geth have become sentient beings. In a sense, destroying the synthetics would be like destroying all organics. Besides that, how are we even sure that we'd be able to repair the damage done?"

"I guess it wouldn't hurt to see what else we could do instead," said Nathaniel cautiously.

"Are there are other options besides destroying all synthetic life?" asked Shepard.

The Catalyst gave a curt nod. "Of course, there is always another option." It turned its gaze to a blue generator to their left, from the angle Nathaniel could see what appeared to be handles protruding from the structure. "You could use the Crucible as a means of gaining control over the Reapers," continued the Catalyst.

"So the Illusive Bastard was right," said Nathaniel, his words dripping with disgust at the thought of that horrible man actually being able to gain control over, arguably, the most powerful creatures in the entire galaxy.

"Yes, but he could never have taken absolute control," said the Catalyst, it sounded almost proud. "We already had control over him."

Shepard snorted. "Well, I guess it's some consolation to know that asshole wasn't about to get everything his wicked heart desired. So I would be able to gain control? Or Nathaniel?"

"Yes, but you would both die," said the Catalyst. "In order for this outcome to be possible, your physical forms would have to be broken down, but your thoughts and memories would survive. You would no longer be part of the organic race, losing all connection with them but you will still be aware of their existence."

"So in a sense, I would become you?" asked Shepard nervously.

"Yes, and while I do not look forward to possibly being replaced by you, I would be forced to accept the solution just as my creators were," said the Catalyst, to Nathaniel, the being sounded almost scared.

He refused to believe these were their only options. "There has to be another way, we haven't come this far just to sacrifice everything we have."

"You appear to have had a change of heart," said the Catalyst, looking rather pleased with itself. "There is one more option: synthesis."

"What exactly would that entail?" asked Shepard, though she already had an idea of what it would be already.

"You would add your energy to the Crucible's," said the Catalyst. "The chain reaction would combine all organic and synthetic in a new framework. Creating a new DNA."

Shepard shifted beside Nathaniel, she was growing weaker by the second, there was little time left for them now. "How would we add our energy to the Crucible's?"

"All that you are, all that makes you organic, will be broken down and then dispersed altering the matrix organics and synthetics," replied the Catalyst and he pointed to the large beam that ran between the Crucible and Citadel. "This would merge all beings together, creating the ideal state where organics gain the perfection they seek and synthetics gain the understanding they have longed for. This has been attempted before in the past, but ultimately failed. Now that this outcome has been proven possible, the next logical state for the galaxy will be to gain synthesis."

"Why did it fail in the past?" asked Nathaniel, this option did not sound any better than the other two they had been presented with, especially seeing as how the Catalyst had just admitted this solution had not worked in the past.

"Organics were not ready for such a transcendence, this outcome cannot be forced," said the Catalyst. "Your time is up, you know your options, a decision must be made."

Nathaniel turned to Shepard and saw her blue eyes were glinting with unshed tears. "Personally, I don't like any of these choices," she whispered, looking at each decision in turn. "But I think synthesis is our best option, it would mean everything we worked so hard to achieve would be possible, we would never have to worry about a war breaking out between synthetics and organics again."

He shook his head. "Call me selfish, but anything that requires sacrificing everything we are doesn't sound ideal to me, besides that the git even admitted this hasn't worked in the past. Why are you so sure it would work now?"

"I'm not," she admitted softly, "but I'd rather leave this world thinking I left it in a better state than when I entered it."

"Natalie, please, think about this a little more," begged Nathaniel. "We've come too far for us to end like this, I can't . . . the galaxy can't lose you, not after all you've done for them. Even if we die destroying them, at least we have given the galaxy the chance to rebuild and grow, we will have given them the tools necessary to evolve towards synthesis. I know you don't think destroying all synthetics is ideal but synthesis will happen, the Catalyst has admitted that much. It doesn't have to be you who brings it about, now that we've defied the odds, there will be someone else in our place to make this choice."

Shepard was silent for a few moments, thinking over Nathaniel's argument. "You're right, if we end the cycle now maybe we can bring about synthesis and it not cost the lives of trillions, God knows it's about time we ended this."

Nathaniel smiled, he was glad they would not have to sacrifice themselves, while he knew he was being incredibly selfish he could not help it, he could not bear the thought of losing her now. "So we pick the destroy option?" he asked, indicating with his head towards the red generator.

She nodded. "Yeah, but I don't think I can make it. You might have to help me." With that, she immediately fell against him, whatever will had been holding her up now seemed to fail her and if they did not act soon, she would die here and now.

"Can you still fire that pistol?" he asked and she nodded again. "Alright then, just lean on me and I'll get you to the generator." He pulled her against him, wrapping an arm securely around her waist while another held her arm around his neck. While he had barely any strength himself, he somehow found the resolve to keep going, ignoring the pain that was shooting down his likely broken back and the throbbing in his head. They had a mission to complete and nothing was going to stop them now.

He half carried half dragged Shepard down the long walkway to the platform that would take them to the generator they needed, grateful that it was only a short walk instead of the long one they had taken when they first woke up. With each step Shepard started to feel heavier and heavier, whether his strength was giving out or she was growing weaker he could not tell, all he knew was the generator was finally within firing range. "Your time to shine, love," he said in a hoarse whisper.

From the corner of his eye he saw Shepard raise her pistol, taking careful aim at the glass containment around the core of the generator, she fired a shot and it pierced the glass though it did not shatter it. He carried her closer and she fired again close to the same spot where her first shot had landed and the two combined were enough to break a hole through the glass. With her remaining strength she fired into the hole she had just made and hit the core, now she was barely waiting between shots, instead pulling the trigger as fast as she could. The core started to spark as red chains of energy escaped, with each successive shot she fired, the core released more energy and started to explode. Smoke billowed around them as they drew closer and closer, Shepard was still firing though now it seemed unnecessary. Nathaniel had gone deaf to the sounds of the pistol firing and instead his mind wandered, somehow he knew they were going to have to die and he was glad they were doing it by taking the Reapers with them.

Suddenly he saw images of people from his past: he saw his mother and father standing in the doorway of their old home, he saw Anderson smiling as he pinned on his medal for bravery, then he saw Shepard as she exited the Citadel after being named the first human Spectre. _'All the people I love,'_ he thought as he was blinded by another explosion. He knew his end had come and instead of being afraid, he was glad, it would mean he had saved the galaxy better still he had done it with the woman he loved right beside him.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: A short chapter, yes but also a necessary one. I would like to thank PiperSqueaks for helping me get the ball rolling. Enjoy!**

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Chapter Four

The first thing Nathaniel noticed was the smell. A thick, oily stench clung to his nostrils. It smelled of charred and burning flesh mingled with the gritty soot of scorched plascrete and other unrecognizable building materials. The next thing he became aware of was a jarring pain in his chest. There was the feeling that he was being held down by a jagged rough edged weight that he could not see. He turned his head, to either side and slowly realized the gravity of his situation. He was buried in what was in all likelihood the remnants of both the Citadel and the Crucible. He struggled to move his arms and legs. He discovered quickly that all but his right arm had been rendered immobile from the wreckage lying on top him.

He tried to shift some of the weight off his chest, but only succeeded in giving himself a few inches of breathing space before he heard ominous creaking sounds that suggested the pieces lying on top of him were precariously balanced. Not knowing the the amount of debris above him, he dared not shift the weight anymore than he had already. A further collapse could prove fatal. He switched tactics and decided that some additional reconnaissance of his dilemma would be more prudent. He used the small amount of freedom he gained to further assess his condition. His breathing was slightly irregular and there was a heaviness weighing on him that was had nothing to do with the debris, he could tell some of his ribs were broken but nothing was punctured.

His legs ached, which he took as a good sign. There was none of the indicators that went along with leg crush syndrome. His back felt like it had been beat to hell but the fact he could feel it at all was a positive sign, silently he thanked whatever being had made this possible. He tried to pull his left arm in toward his body and felt it slowly slide out from underneath whatever piece of the Citadel had pinned it down. With each passing sign of progress his prognosis of survival went up a notch.

Carefully he brought both hands to the large piece of rubble on his chest, pressing up on it with what strength he had left, and when he heard the same creaking from earlier he immediately stopped. _'There has to be a bloody way out of here,'_ he thought as he further surveyed the area he was stuck in. Then it hit him. Quickly he moved his hands to the rough edge of the debris and lifted it up just slightly, making sure not to disturb the rubble on top, and cautiously shifted his hips to see how much room this allowed him. It was enough for his lower body to move but it was still a tight squeeze. With renewed strength and determination, Nathaniel started moving his lower body towards the edge he was holding up inch by painful inch.

As he shifted his legs he could feel that there was a great deal of exposed skin, most likely from where more of his armor had been blown off, and he made a conscious effort to move slowly so he did not cut himself. This plan did not work out entirely. When he shifted his right leg a little higher than he intended, he immediately felt something slice his exposed calf. The cut's pain mingled with the burns creating a sensation so painful, he had to stop and bite his fist to keep from screaming out, knowing if he lost his head now he would not be able to free himself. When most of the pain subsided, he maneuvered himself away from the spot that had cut him and resumed the slow process of freeing his lower half, which was now made slightly more difficult by the state of his leg. This was not easy nor was it pleasant, but he knew he had to do something, not doing a damn thing was out of the question despite the pain.

After what felt like an eternity, he was finally to the point where his arms were fully extended against the edge of the rubble, meaning he was almost free. When he was sure the piece of debris was somewhat balanced on his legs he moved his hands from the piece and put them beside him, he pushed himself up into somewhat of a sitting position. Anything was better than the bent prone position he had been in earlier. Now that he was in a better spot, he was able to use the terrain to his advantage, putting his hands carefully on some of the pieces beside him he used the leverage to further pull his legs from the large piece of debris. When he saw his knees he smiled, he was almost out of this, and he slowly started to pull his legs further out without moving his upper body anymore. That was a bad idea. The unequal movement of his legs caused the rubble on top to shift, making the same creaking sounds he had heard earlier, and he stopped as soon as he heard it. Slowly releasing the breath he had been holding, he resumed his careful movements making sure they were equal in speed and strength, and soon he had pulled his feet out from under the debris and he was free.

"Now the hard part," he whispered with a slight laugh and he turned towards the slight tunnel he had seen during his initial survey. There was a slight glow coming from the top that he could only guess was sunlight, and he turned onto his belly, intending to slowly army crawl up the shaft when suddenly he heard a low groaning sound behind him. Turning his head he saw the rubble he had been under was going to give way and he scrambled out of its path, not caring if he cut himself or made the situation worse, he just knew he had to get out of the way. He was barely able to get away when he heard the crashing sound behind him, and he huddled in the tunnel, keeping his face and underbelly covered as he heard the cave in. When the noises stopped he cautiously peeked through his fingers and felt his heart pound in his chest when he saw what had happened. Where he had previously been laying was now completely crushed by a huge piece of what he recognized as an arm of the Citadel. How it had not fallen on him sooner he did not know, maybe it had something to do with how slowly he had pulled himself out, but he could not be sure. What he knew was it was a miracle he had not been crushed and he vaguely wondered how many feathers his guardian angel had on its wings now, thinking back to the old fable his mother had told him when he was a small child and had broken his arm jumping from a tree.

_'The poor git probably wishes he was assigned to someone else,'_ he mused as he started to crawl back up the tunnel, focusing only on getting to the light, pushing all other thoughts from his mind. The tunnel was not that long but in his weakened state it felt like he was swimming against the tide, slowly inching his way to the surface, he noticed that the closer he got the less the oil smell was. That was enough hope for him and he pressed forward, keeping his eyes on the slits of light that had managed to get through. Finally he reached the top and he pushed the beams off the opening, immediately being greeted by the smell of cleaner air, and he took a deep breath clearing his lungs of the oil scented air from below. He climbed out of the tunnel and found himself standing among the wreckage of the Citadel, all around him were pieces of twisted metal and crumbling buildings that had fallen off the arms. The scene made his stomach churn, all he could see was the destruction of one of the biggest achievements in organic history, spread out as far as the eye could see on the planet that had been his home. There was a certain irony to it, they had destroyed synthetics and in the end, synthetics had retaliated and destroyed as much of organic civilization as they could. He was sure there were Reapers scattered all around as well, crushing the once beautiful cities of his home planet.

_'I wonder if Shepard's home in Florida was spared?'_ he wondered as he stood there and thinking of Shepard again sent a jolt through him. He suddenly remembered that they had been together when the Crucible went off but she had not been beside him when he woke up, and so far he could not see any sign of her. His mind went wild with possibilities as to where she might be or what might have happened to her, the one thing he knew for sure was he needed to find her, and fast.

"Natalie!" he started shouting, looking in all directions as he yelled. "Natalie where are you?!" He started walking towards what appeared to be the center of the Citadel, where the Crucible had been attached, thinking that she might be there. It was the best lead he had, like he really had any other, but in his heart he knew he would search everywhere to find her. There was an ache in his heart as he walked and he knew that feeling had nothing to do with an actual injury, he did not want to lose the woman he had loved from afar, not when he had been so close to finally being with her. Their paths had crossed over the years, and from those few meetings he had fallen head over heels in love with the headstrong engineer, she was unlike any woman he had ever met and as foolish as it sounded, he never wanted to know another. When this was all over he planned on making up for lost time, he just had to find her first.

"Natalie!" he shouted again, his voice strained but still strong enough that it carried across the field. "Natalie, if you can hear me, just shout!" He was not sure what else to tell her, for all he knew she might be unconscious or dead, unable to ever answer him.

Something in the back of his mind told him he needed to change course, to search farther away from the Crucible, out near where one of the arms had landed maybe 100 yards from where he had been. Breathing heavily he walked that way, still shouting out for Shepard ever couple of minutes, thinking that if she did not hear him then maybe someone from a search party might and could help him. All around him he could hear shouts, people desperately trying to find friends or fellow soldiers, just as he was. He was hoping they were all able to find the person they were looking for but in his heart, he knew not all of them would be lucky, at this point they would be fortunate to find any bodies.

Nathaniel tripped on a piece of pipe and fell to the ground, the fall was so sudden he barely has time to put out his hands to keep from injuring himself further. He sat there for a few moments trying to will his head to stop spinning, and from his much lower position, he glanced over and saw something that made his heart jump in his chest. Just underneath some fallen beams, he can see a familiar insignia: a white N7 is staring at him through the shadows. Immediately he scrambled over to the spot and looked in, sure enough he could see the breastplate of armor he knew was Alliance, and then he saw something that affirmed his suspicions: a set of silver dog tags. Whether it was Shepard or someone else, he could not tell, but what he did know was whomever was there was going to die unless he did something right now. Quickly he pushed himself up from the ground and surveyed the outside of the metal tomb, it consisted mainly of beams and some large sheets of metal. He knew that there might be more to it but from his preliminary examination, it appeared to be safe to move some of the bigger pieces.

With as much strength as he could muster he pushed a beam away from the entrance of the tomb, watching as it fell to the ground with a loud clang, and then he shifted one of the sheets of metal and used it as a means of pushing another beam away. When that one went down, several more pieces fell away, revealing the identity of the soldier: it was Shepard. Nathaniel's mouth went dry and his head started to spin, but that had nothing to do with his injuries. Quickly he moved some more pieces and was able to uncover her upper body but when he went to see if he could pull her out, he saw a large hunk of shrapnel protruding from her abdomen. From his position he could not see how far it went, but he had a feeling she was trapped in there. He sat down in front of her, his eyes glued to her pale and beat up face, not willing to believe that after all this she was dead. Without a second thought, he reached out and cupped her cheek with his bare hand, feeling how cold she actually was and tears sprang up in his eyes. She was probably dead and had been for a long time, he could not see any signs of life in her at all, and all he could think was how dark the world seemed now. He wanted to join her in death, his body was already telling him he was close, all he would have to do was close his eyes . . .

Suddenly he felt her move and just as he thought it might be rigormortis setting in, he heard her take a breath, then he saw her chest starting to rise and fall though it was not steady like it would be if she were completely well. He nearly jumped out of his skin he was so surprised. _'She's alive!'_ he thought happily and then he thought, _'She needs help now!'_

"Somebody help me!" he shouted as loud as he could, his hand still on Shepard's cheek. "I found Shepard! She needs medical help! Is there anybody out there?!"

Nathaniel scanned the horizon, hoping to see someone coming for them, but there was no one. He looked back at Shepard and saw her blue eyes locked on him, there was life in them though he could see that it was fading, knowing it would be gone if they did not get help soon.

"Nate," she whispered, her voice groggy and strained.

"Hold on, sweetheart," he said, and reluctantly he pulled away from her. He walked a few feet away from where she was sitting pinned against a large piece of the Crucible and shouted again. "Hey! I have Shepard! Send medics! She needs help!" Then he put his arms over his head and started waving like he was doing jumping jacks. Again he looked at the horizon, thinking that no one was going to be there, but this time he saw outlines of people. With a smile he shouted again. "We're over here! Shepard's badly injured!"

That was when he saw them running towards him, and as they drew closer he felt his own strength ebbing away, he had held on as long as he could but his body was spent and he fell to the ground. Just then the sounds of footsteps grew louder, and through his bleary vision he was able to make out the faces of Major Kaidan Alenko and Lieutenant James Vega.

"Coats!" shouted Kaidan as he knelt beside him. "Coats, can you hear me?!"

Nathaniel muttered something that sounded like 'yes.'

"Just hold on, the medics are on their way," said Kaidan and then he looked at Shepard. "You found her, Coats. You did good."

Nathaniel smiled at the Major's words, then he heard more shouting and saw Alliance soldiers enter the scene, he could tell by the red crosses on their helmets they were medics. They swarmed around him though by this time he could not hear their words, a loud ringing in his ears had replaced all other sounds and his eyes crossed. He was going to die, just as help arrived.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Please forgive me for the inexcusable delay in updating this story! I swear I haven't abandoned it, and with luck it'll be wrapped up before the New Year. Enjoy!**

* * *

Chapter Five

The first thing that hit him was the soreness. His entire body felt like it had been used as a practice dummy for Krogan battlemasters, and he had been in a fight with a Krogan battlemaster before so he knew it was a sufficient comparison. Slowly he opened his eyes and saw a bright light shining above him, for a moment he thought he was dead but the longer he stared at it the less it looked like a tunnel and the more it looked like a light fixture. He blinked his eyes a few times and the light above him went from being blinding to slightly more manageable and he could tell now that it really was just a lamp hanging above him. After a few more seconds of staring up at the lamp, he was able to make out what was around it, there was a dark green fabric just beyond the lamp and then he saw metal beams running the length of the ceiling. It took him a few moments to realize that he was in a tent and when he did he was relieved, he might feel like death but at least he was not really dead.

Slowly he became aware of more of his surroundings. He was no longer wearing his armor as he remembered but he was mostly naked with only a thin blanket covering his modesty, along with several layers of bandages around his limbs and abdomen. He could feel a somewhat hard surface pressing against his body and without looking he could tell it was a standard issue cot, like the one he had been sleeping on for months now. Around him he heard strange beeping noises and when he glanced down at his chest he could see tubes leading into his body as well as several wires attached to the surface of his skin. Glancing to his right he saw an EKG machine and cardiograph, both recording his heart and he could see on the screens that his heartbeat was slightly irregular but not life threatening. He looked over to his left and saw an IV with several bags of fluid attached; all had lines leading into his arm. _'Whatever happened to me must have been terrible,'_ he thought as he attempted to sit up right.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you, General," said a familiar voice and he looked over to see his lieutenant, Lt. Fitz standing just a few feet away. Well, standing was a relative term, he appeared to be leaning on a crutch and as Nathaniel let his eyes wander, he saw that his friend and brother was missing his left leg entirely.

"Aren't you a sight for sore eyes," said Nathaniel with a breathy laughed before grimacing. "Damn it."

Fitz smirked at him knowingly. "Told you so, and it's good to see you alive and well, General. We all thought you were down for the count."

"How long have I been out?" asked Nathaniel as he resituated himself on the cot so he could see Fitz better. "Three days? Four?" He knew he had likely been out for a while, given the injuries he sustained and the amount of surgery it appeared he had endured.

Fitz looked away from him, actively avoiding his eyes when he spoke next. "Try three weeks, mate. It was touch and go since the moment you were brought in here, or so that woman Chakwas said. So many doctors were called in to work on you and Shepard, we thought it was too late and that we'd be planning a double funeral."

Nathaniel's head was spinning; he had been out of commission for nearly a month, more than half dead by the sounds of things and it did not sound like Shepard was doing as well as he might have expected. He wanted to know Shepard's condition, more than he wanted to know his own, he wanted to know that she was going to live.

"Where's Shepard, Fitz?" he asked, trying to keep the desperation out of his tone as he did, the last thing he wanted his lieutenant to know was how concerned he was about Shepard.

"She was relocated back onto the _Normandy_, it's the only ship right now with a medical facility that can fit her needs," replied Fitz slowly. "Actually, there's a small hospital in Dover that wasn't touched by the Reapers, I've heard they're thinking of sending her there for further treatment since supplies are so low here."

_'No! She's still on death's doorstep, and I . . .' _he began to think when suddenly his body felt a wash of pain from head to foot, causing him to want to curl up and die right there.

"Coats!" he heard Fitz shout. "Somebody get over here! Something's wrong with the General!"

_'But I'm a major,'_ thought Nathaniel blindly as he fought down the bile that had risen in his throat. _'I'm not up for promotion for another six years.'_

"Keep it together, Fitz!" snapped a vaguely familiar female voice. "His medication's just worn off, and he's feeling the pain, stop overreacting. For god's sake, you acted this hysterical when you were in his position and all you had was a leg amputated! General Coats is a far better patient than you ever were."

Through the haze of pain, Nathaniel could make out a woman's shape and as she got closer he could make a few more details. She had grey hair, was wearing an Alliance medical uniform, and had the sternest expression he had ever seen before. _'Chakwas,'_ he thought slightly amused before the pain took his body again, forcing his eyes shut.

"That's a good boy," said Chakwas in a very mothering tone as she inserted something into one of the IV tubes. "This'll kick in soon and you should be back to somewhat blissful ignorance. I'm glad to see that you're awake though, that was really the determining factor whether or not you'd pull through completely; if you were unable to wake up, then . . ." her voice trailed off and he peaked through his eyelids. The doctor's stern expression was gone, replaced by one of sympathy and fear.

"It was that bad?" he managed to ask; already he could feel the painkiller relaxing his tense muscles and soothing him back to normalcy.

Chakwas looked at him and smiled gently, as if unsure whether or not she should commit to such an act. "Yes, you were in terrible shape, General," said Chakwas as she adjusted a few things on his IV. "You and Shepard, you're going to make it but Shepard . . . well, let's just say she might finally be able to sleep now."

Nathaniel was crushed and angry, after all they had been through recently he was going to lose Shepard regardless of the decision they had made regarding the Catalyst. He would not accept that outcome, there had to be another way, and if not then he would be beside Shepard for however long she had left.

"When will I be cleared, Doc?" asked Nathaniel as he tried to sit up again, this time not as winded from the pain. "And when's Shepard going to be transferred to that hospital in Dover?"

"You won't be cleared for several weeks, I'm afraid," replied Chakwas curtly. "I don't know what you're thinking, Coats, but you can't recover from your injuries in a matter of hours."

Nathaniel looked at her incredulously. "That's what they said about my broken arm, but it healed in three weeks instead of eight, so I like my chances. As for Shepard, is she being transferred in a couple of hours?"

"I believe so, when we get clearance from Hackett of course though I doubt he'll give us any trouble," said Chakwas knowingly. "Why? Are you going to ask to come with us?"

"Damn straight," said Nathaniel with a slight smirk. "I saw Shepard through the last battle of the war, now I want to walk her through the first battle of the rest of her life. I know that sounds ludicrous but it's just something I've got to do for her."

Chakwas' slight frown started to change into a tentative grin. "You're really determined to do this then, Coats?"

Nathaniel nodded firmly, his jaw set in determination.

"Well then, I'll have to talk it over with Hackett and Major Alenko but I see no reason you can't accompany us," she said standing up with an air of finality. "You'll still be on bed rest and will have to stay in the medbay for a few weeks, and agree to be looked over at the hospital once we get there. If you agree to these terms, then I'll have no problem convincing them."

"I agree completely, Chakwas," said Nathaniel, unable to suppress the wide grin that cracked across his face. "Just let me know when we leave and I'll try to be prettied up by then."

Chakwas laughed heartily. "General, that might take more than the time we have before departure." The doctor walked away from his cot, still laughing before disappearing behind a tent flap.

Nathaniel frowned then looked to Fitz. "Why the bloody hell does everyone keep referring to me as the 'General?' Is this one of those cases of mistaken identity?"

Fitz snorted and shook his head. "Hardly, you dense git. Hackett had you and Shepard both promoted while you were under the knife, plus he awarded each of you tons of medals ranging from the Bronze Star to the Medal of Honor. Not to mention all of the other ones flooding in from all species. You two are intergalactic heroes."

"Always wanted to be a hero," said Nathaniel with a slightly sarcastic tone. "Just wish Shepard was here to enjoy the limelight."

"Don't worry," said Fitz kindly as he sat down at the end of Nathaniel's cot. "She'll pull through and you two will stand in the spotlight together, then go off and have a few babies."

Nathaniel ground his teeth at Fitz's last remark, debating whether or not he was well enough to pound the everything crap out of his lieutenant. Fitz was the only person who knew that he was secretly in love with Commander Shepard, and he had told him during a very dark conversation regarding their biggest regrets. Fitz's had been not spending more time with his two daughters and Nathaniel's had been not getting the chance to tell Shepard how he actually felt about her. Now he was thinking that his biggest regret was telling Fitz anything remotely personal.

"What happened to your leg?" asked Nathaniel, desperate to change the subject and find out what happened to his friend. "Did you trip and fall on a land mine?"

Fitz's brown eyes darkened, and his demeanor changed instantly. "No, it wasn't something that stupid. Our troop managed to gain some high ground in a building somewhere close to the main battlefield where you had gone. We were giving the Reapers hell, would've made you proud to see the men fighting that way, but then one of them aimed at us and fired. The beam missed us but hit part of the building and it started to fall down, we tried to get out of there as quickly as we could but . . . we weren't fast enough. The building fell around us and we were trapped. Lucky me, my leg was the only thing caught in the rubble so I used my knife to saw most of it off, wasn't pretty but it was necessary."

"I'm so sorry, mate," said Nathaniel quietly. For a few moments he thought about what might have happened to him if he had been with his troop instead of with Shepard, if anything he might not be sitting here alive or with all of his limbs. "What happened to the rest?"

"They . . . they're . . . they're dead," said Fitz, trying to keep his emotions in check but Nathaniel still heard the crack in his voice and saw the tears in his eyes. "They died heroes, and I lived . . . the pathetic coward that I am!" He raised his fist and slammed it against his good leg so forcefully Nathaniel was sure it would bruise. "I didn't even try to save them! I ran as fast as I could away from that place. I'm sorry, Coats, you were right: only cowards get scared and quit."

Nathaniel shook his head gently, while he was not thrilled to hear that his friend did not try to help his comrades, he understood. "And heroes get scared and go on. What did you do after escaping the building?"

"I . . . I continued fighting," mumbled Fitz though he would still not meet Nathaniel's gaze. "A medic slapped a temporary bandage on my leg then I went back into the battle, saved a few civilians in the process."

"See? You were a hero after all," said Nathaniel sternly. "Now, no more of this 'coward' nonsense, that's an order! You're one of the bravest men I've ever had the privilege of serving with and knowing personally as a true friend; you just had a moment of weakness out of panic, which is perfectly acceptable in a time of war. Even I can't say for certain how I would've reacted in a similar position."

Fitz seemed to understand that he was not upset nor reprimanding him for his actions and he visibly relaxed. "I'll be going home soon, back to Dublin or whatever's left of it, see if I can rebuild my life with my wife and daughters. When you're doing better, you should come and visit sometime, my family would love to meet you." Fitz started moving his crutches. "Anyway, I have a shuttle scheduled to take me home shortly, I just wanted to say good bye and thank you for everything. You're the best soldier alive, and I hope you get all you deserve in life."

"Didn't take you as a poet, Fitz," said Nathaniel teasingly. "You're more of a limerick kind of man if memory serves."

"It comes and it goes," said Fitz then he saluted Nathaniel. "Live well, General, and I expect an invite to the wedding."

"Sure, when hell freezes!" called Nathaniel as Fitz started to walk off towards the entrance to the tent.

Nathaniel wondered how his family would react to seeing him like that and if he would be able to make a full recovery after all. Fitz had been through a great deal and would not likely be completely himself, but then again, neither would he; even while he was unconscious he was aware he was having dreams. Dreams about Husks and Banshees, not to mention finding Shepard dead over and over again; there was probably not enough ryncol in the galaxy to cleanse his mind of those images. He hoped relocating to a neutral area would help him mend both physically and mentally.

* * *

"Welcome aboard!" said the _Normandy_'s pilot as Nathaniel was brought on board the ship. "Glad to see you alive and kicking, General Coats."

"It's glad to be back," chuckled Nathaniel. "Now, refresh my memory, what's your name again?"

"Joker," replied Joker readily and then he gestured with his thumb to the men standing behind him. "The big guy with the tattoos is Commander James Vega, the tall dark and handsome one is Major Kaidan Alenko, and the Turian with the amazing scar is Garrus Vakarian."

"I remember," said Nathaniel, grateful he had a few memories from that night at least. "And it's good to see you again, Vega, it's been a while."

"That it has, _amigo_," said James with a smirk. "I hear you're going with us and Shepard to Dover, should make this trip a bit more interesting."

Nathaniel shrugged though it was painful for him to do so. "Not right now, I'm afraid. Chakwas has confined me to the medbay until my wounds have healed to her satisfaction."

Joker snickered as he walked towards the cockpit. "Then you're going to be there a while, my friend, Chakwas has incredibly high standards for her patients in regard to their healed wounds. May the fates be in your favor."

"That's some pilot you've got there," said Nathaniel to James and Garrus as they pushed his gurney down the CIC, having taken over for the two previous soldiers who had brought him on board. "Doesn't strike me as the Alliance type though."

James and Garrus both chuckled at Nathaniel's words; apparently this was not the first time they had heard either statement regarding their illustrious pilot.

"Joker's a special breed of crazy," said James as he started maneuvering the gurney into the elevator. "I guess that's why Shepard's kept him around for so long, they're both cut from the same cloth."

"Only Shepard's allowed to use a gun," remarked Garrus as he hoisted the gurney's wheels over the elevator doorway. "The crew agrees that if Joker's bones weren't so bad, he'd be one helluva foot solider, and could probably rival Shepard as far as crazy stunts."

"I've heard some of her stories, so that is a special kind of crazy," laughed Nathaniel, though he had to stop himself when a sharp pain stabbed at his chest. "Speaking of Shepard, is she back on the ship?"

Garrus and James looked at each other somberly, from those expressions Nathaniel could only guess at Shepard's condition and it was probably not good. He desperately hoped that she would recover soon; there was so much they needed to talk about.

"She's here, where she belongs," replied James and Nathaniel was struck by how much emotion was in that statement. He wondered if James and Shepard were in some kind of relationship together, but as he reevaluated James' words it sounded more like a brother speaking of a sister.

"We have a question for you, Coats," said Garrus as he pressed the button to take them down to the medbay floor. "Actually most of the galaxy does, but we get to ask it first since it involved our commander. What the hell happened up on the Crucible? After you went up there, everything mechanical went haywire and stopped working, even EDI, and when it came crashing down we found Anderson's body and the Illusive Man's."

Nathaniel looked at his lap and sighed heavily. _'So it wasn't a terrible nightmare,'_ he thought sadly before looking back up. "We were asked by this . . . sentient being, I guess, to decide the fate of the galaxy. We had three options . . . and . . . and . . ." He could hardly breathe, his chest felt tighter and tighter with each passing second, no matter how hard he tried to breathe deeply it felt like he had a huge weight on his chest. A weight just like the one he had felt when he first came to after the Crucible crashed.

He thought he was going to die right there in the elevator, after all it would just be his luck to die from something as simple as a PTSD panic attack, when the elevator door open blessedly and there was Chakwas. The doctor took one look at him and immediately signaled for Garrus and James to quickly get him to the medbay, a command they obeyed with alarming speed. When they stopped his gurney, Chakwas put an oxygen mask on his mouth and nose and held in place for him.

"Breath as deeply as you can, General," she said calmly, still pressing the mask against his face. "Don't worry, you're safe here, nothing can hurt you now. Just focus on your breathing and let your body relax."

Nathaniel managed a nod and listened to her words, closing his eyes as he let his lungs fill with the pure oxygen, with each breath he relaxed a little bit more until he was able to breathe to full capacity again. The entire experience left him feeling hollow and scared but he could hardly show this to his fellow soldiers, there was no reason for them to know that their slight interrogation had left him terrified.

"Thanks, Chakwas," he finally said as he moved away from the mask, laying gingerly back down on his pillows. "Bloody hell, that was different."

Chakwas frowned slightly and she gestured for James and Garrus to leave. "Your services are no longer required, gentlemen, I can take care of the General myself. Though I would like to speak to the two of you privately once I've seen to his comfort."

James and Garrus merely nodded then left the medbay without so much as a glance to him, making him feel just slightly more isolated than he had been feeling before. _'That was weird,'_ he thought as he stared at the closed door.

"It would appear that you're suffering from moderate to severe PTSD, General," said Chakwas suddenly, rousing him from his musings. "I suspected as much given some of the things you said and did during recovery, but I didn't think it would send you into a full body panic attack."

Nathaniel sighed heavily and tried to roll his shoulders but found his body too stiff for such movements and settled for just moving his arms a little. "So I'm guessing it'll be retirement for me soon, then?" he asked with partial curiosity and partial insight. He had heard too many stories about good soldiers who were forced into retirement after being diagnosed with PTSD to know what was likely his fate.

"I'm sure they'll wait until your new pension kicks in," replied Chakwas dryly before her gaze turned sad. "Coats, I'm not going to lie, but it's likely you won't be staying in the Alliance much longer and neither will Shepard." The doctor looked over at the adult sized incubator that was parallel to Nathaniel's bed; inside lay Shepard, hooked up to dozens of machines that were surrounding her glass coffin. Nathaniel gulped as he stared at her, he had heard that she was in worse shape than him, but he had no idea that it was this bad.

"Natalie," he whispered, fighting against the urge to reach out to her, knowing it would do his body no good nor would she be able to feel it in her current state. "Oh god, what happened to you?"

"The Citadel fell on her," snapped Chakwas, though she was not angry with him. "She's really lucky that you found her when you did, and given the state you were in when Major Alenko brought you to me, she's even luckier. We were able to fix most of the external injuries and some of the internal ones but . . . she's missing decent chunks of skin all over her body, and a great deal of her bones were broken, especially in her legs. It'll be incredible if she can walk again if . . . when she wakes up."

"So you think there's no hope for her?" asked Nathaniel, his eyes still locked on Shepard.

"Now I never said that," remarked Chakwas before heading towards the door. "With the right motivation, anyone can do just about anything." Then she left, leaving Nathaniel and Shepard alone.

It felt like days passed as Nathaniel sat there and merely looked at the woman he loved in such a wretched state. Logically he knew there was nothing he could have done to prevent her from ending up in this state, but that did not stop the thoughts of 'what if' and 'if only I had done this'. He wanted desperately to see her open her eyes, to see those limpid blue pools that reminded him of an endless ocean, and have her smile at him just to reassure him that she was in fact alive. All of these things he wanted to happen, yet he knew there was a very slim chance of that.

Slowly he eased himself out of bed, being extremely careful not to overexert himself or strain his body's already limited strength unnecessarily. When he was standing at more or less his full height, he moved deliberately over to Shepard's incubator, when he arrived he noticed the small hole by her hand and he slid his in, gripping hers gently. "Hey, Natalie," he said in a hoarse voice. "I'm not sure if you can hear me, but I need you to fight. This galaxy might not need you as much anymore, now that you've given us a second chance at life, but . . . I need you. I know I should probably mention your crew, but you already know that they need you around, what you don't know is that I do too." He paused and looked for any signs that she might have heard even a single word, he pressed on despite the fact she had not stirred. "I don't care how long it takes for you to get better, Natalie, but I'm going to be by your side from here on, understand? You've earned a chance to lean on someone else for a change, so let me do that for you, it's the least I can do for the woman I love." Again he paused, hoping that his declaration would stir something in her, all he heard was the irregular beating of her heart being projected on the EKG. "I need you to get better, love. You still have to show me those beaches in Florida you told me about and I still have to show you Carlisle. There's still so much life left for us to live and it'd be awfully boring if I didn't have you to share it with. I love you, Natalie Shepard."

He released her hand then and started to move back to his bed when he heard her heartbeat change; just minutes before it had been irregular and slow, it now sounded closer to normal. Nathaniel grinned as he felt tears well up in his eyes; she had heard him after all.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six

The sun shone brightly on Nathaniel's back as he walked the familiar short six-block walk from his temporary apartment to the hospital where Shepard was still fighting for her life. Nathaniel had been making this walk everyday around the same time since Chakwas had cleared him of his injuries almost four months ago, which included time for various therapies such as occupational and physical. The day he was discharged he set out to find a place to live close to the hospital and made a vow that he would visit Shepard everyday until she was discharged. He had yet to miss a single day of visitation, even braving terrible storms to make it on time.

"Good morning, General," said the morning receptionist Wendy as he entered the reception area of the hospital. "I have your visitor's pass ready to go right here."

Nathaniel smiled at her; she had been a great help with various miscellaneous details regarding Shepard's stay. "Thanks, beautiful," he said as he put the badge on his shirt. "Is Trinity in today?"

Wendy nodded. "Yes she is, actually she should be checking on Miss Shepard as we speak, if your friend isn't distracting her too much."

"James is here again?" asked Nathaniel with a slight shake of his head. "I'm surprised he's up this early, what with all his important meetings and such."

"Well, I guess Trinity's enough motivation to get up in the morning," replied Wendy with a slight laugh, the older woman enjoyed seeing love blossom at the hospital, it was a nice change of pace. "Just like a certain rear admiral is for a certain general."

Nathaniel blushed as he signed the sign-in sheet. "Speaking of Shepard, do you have any news on her condition?"

"Nothing yet, but I'll let you know," said Wendy kindly as Nathaniel made his way to the elevator. "I'll bring you some lunch!"

"Thanks, Wendy!" called Nathaniel just before he stepped into the opened elevator.

* * *

The elevator stopped at the fourth floor just as it always did for Nathaniel and he stepped out, checking as usual for any signs of potential threats before he proceeded down the hall, stopping at the sixth door. He glanced inside and saw Shepard was as he had left her the previous night, lying prone on her back still in her medically induced coma with tubes flowing into her body. This was different though from how she had initially arrived, there were fewer tubes now and she was no longer living in an incubator like a premature baby; her body had recovered enough that such equipment was no longer necessary. She was even breathing on her own, the iron lung they had put her on when she arrived had been removed about a month into her stay; all that needed to happen now was for her to wake up and then they would remove the rest.

Nathaniel entered the hospital room and settled himself in the chair that he had placed by Shepard's bedside the first day he visited her, telling the doctors and nurses to only move it if it was in their way, otherwise it was to be left in its position. So far, no one had moved it. He reached over and gently caressed Shepard's hand for a few seconds, watching for any sign of a reaction from her; there was no change. Sighing heavily he relaxed back in his chair and opened the book he had brought with him; so far he had read through most of the books he had inherited from his grandfather, having brought them out of storage shortly after he moved into his apartment. He had used the time watching over Shepard to catch up on his reading, currently he was making his way through Shakespeare, having already read most of the Tennyson books in his collection.

"What's the flavor of the day, General?" asked Trinity as she came into the room. Trinity was Shepard's primary care nurse and was responsible for taking care of most of her needs plus maintaining the various machines and taking down her vitals. During Nathaniel's visits, the two of them had formed a friendship and often shared meals together whenever she was off work; while he enjoyed her company, he had no interest in her romantically. Besides, James obviously had her in his sights and she was now asking endless questions about the Marine, questions he was sure only Shepard could successfully answer.

"It's _The Lady of Shallot_," he said, briefly glancing at the title of his book. "Pretty good so far though I'm not too invested."

Trinity chuckled warmly as she looked from screen to screen, writing down the various numbers that popped up on her tablet. "James was by earlier," she said casually as she checked Shepard's pulse manually. "He's thinking of getting a more permanent place here, rather than continuing to share the apartment with Major Alenko."

"Good for him," said Nathaniel as he started to read his book. "Do you know if he got that position as a liaison between the Alliance and Turian military?"

"He mentioned that that position might be going to someone else," said Trinity as she finalized her morning report on Shepard's vitals. "Expecting any visitors today?"

"Not today," sighed Nathaniel as he turned a page. "Garrus and Tali are back in London with Liara, all three acting as ambassadors while trying to get this whole mess cleaned up. James and Kaidan are still here obviously but busy with their duties, Joker's still with the _Normandy_ and has yet to leave it. Haven't heard much on the other members of Shepard's team, but there's hope they're all still alive."

"I think I heard about one," said Trinity quietly. "That woman, Jack? She's been reassigned to Biotics division."

That was news to him. "Really? I thought she was a teacher at Grissom Academy," he said, looking up from his book as he spoke.

Trinity looked somewhat sad as she spoke. "Well, James was told this morning that her entire squadron of students had been decimated on the front lines during the war. She's being transferred per her own request."

"Shepard's probably not going to take that well," he muttered, glancing at the sleeping soldier. "If memory serves me, she saved those students and then recommended that they be placed at the front lines."

"From what James said, Jack doesn't blame Shepard for what happened," sighed Trinity as she prepared to leave the room. "She blames the Reapers, just like the rest of us do for our losses."

Nathaniel nodded grimly, he was all too intimate with loss; he had lost most of his troop to the final assault, lost more friends than he could count to war overall, and had lost his parents to the initial attack on Arcturus station. Trinity had told him that she lost a majority of her family during the war and a number of friends as well, so in some way they were bonded through loss and grief.

"Which doctor should I expect to come in today?" asked Nathaniel before Trinity left.

"Hmm, I believe it's Doctor Richards today," replied Trinity. "Want to have lunch together again? I think James said something about possibly joining us, and I'm sure he could persuade Kaidan to accompany him as well."

"Yeah, alright," replied Nathaniel absentmindedly. "Wendy said she'd be bringing my lunch up later today, so when she does take that as the signal to call James and Kaidan."

"Will do, General," she said with a laugh as she closed the door.

* * *

The morning progressed slowly from that point on; nurses filtered in and out of the room to check on Shepard though nothing had changed since the last time they had been in there. While Shepard had been making progress in her recovery, it was still doubtful that she would be back to her old self if she did wake up, most of the doctors that had been in to see her had all declared she would never wake up. They told Nathaniel to just take her off the life support machines and let her go, after all Hackett had given him medical power of attorney since she had no one else. He adamantly refused to do that and asked for another specialist, taking recommendations primarily from Chakwas who was still in London patching up soldiers. She had been a great help up until recently.

_'I need another specialist,' Nathaniel says as he rubs his eyes. He had spent another sleepless night going through the list of possible doctors for Shepard and it was catching up with him._

_ 'What happened to the other one?' asks Chakwas, her voice strained and tired._

_ 'Same thing that happens to all of them,' sighs Nathaniel irritably. 'They say there's some hope but not much and that it would be kinder to just let her go.'_

_ There is a pause on the other end before Chakwas speaks again. 'Perhaps they're right, Coats,' she says finally. 'We've been trying to revive her for the better part of a year with very little success and it doesn't look like anything's going to change any time soon. I think it would be kinder if we gather everyone to her hospital bed, have a small good bye and then turn off the machines.'_

_ Nathaniel is stunned, he never expected Chakwas to give up on Shepard, he thought she has been in her corner and would always be there. 'I'm sorry, Karin, but I disagree with you,' he says bitterly. 'We can't give up on Shepard, not now nor ever. She didn't give up on us or the galaxy when she had every reason to, so we all owe it to her to do anything we can to bring her back.'_

_ Chakwas sighs heavily, he knows he has won and that she was about to give in. 'Fine, Nathaniel,' she says finally. 'There's one more I can think of and I'll send him to you as soon as I can. His name's Doctor Tyler Richards, but don't be surprised if he says nothing more can be done for her.'_

_ 'Thanks, Chakwas,' says Nathaniel with a grin before he closes his omni-tool._

* * *

Now he sat waiting for the latest specialist to show up and tell him everything he had heard from the previous doctors that had shown up over the last few weeks. He held onto a small bit of hope that this one would be different, that he would be able to save Shepard from the brink of death and bring her back. Like countless times before, he dared to hope that she would not be taken from him before he could properly tell her that he loved her and find out if they had a chance together. Not only that, but he knew the galaxy would need its shining star front and center in these dark times, and without her there might not be any renewed hope; a great deal rested on the shoulders of this next doctor.

"General Coats," said a doctor as he entered the room, tablet already at hand as he started writing down notes. "I'm Doctor Richards, I believe Doctor Chakwas told you I was coming, per her request."

"Well, actually it was my request," admitted Nathaniel as he shook the doctor's hand. "I'm sorry to take you from your work at such a dire time, Doctor, it's just that we have a very important patient here whom everyone seems to have given up on."

Richards smiled kindly at Nathaniel and he instantly liked him, most of the doctors before had simply frowned or given him sympathetic looks as if telling him silently that they were merely humoring him. This man seemed different, like he believed there was a chance at saving Shepard's life instead of simply giving up.

"Let's have a look at her then," said Richards as he started towards Shepard. For several long minutes, he simply read what the machines were telling him and then compared them to whatever his tablet contained. He frowned a great deal, repeatedly checking his tablet before he would proceed onto the next machine; Nathaniel was sure he saw something the others had overlooked, he would not be taking this long if he did not.

"How bad is it?" asked Nathaniel after what felt like a lifetime of waiting. "Should I call the funeral home?" The words tasted sour on his tongue, but he had to be realistic about this situation and show the doctor that he was somewhat prepared to hear the worst.

Richards looked up at him. "How many doctors have been put on this case?" he asked.

Nathaniel thought for a moment. "I believe it's been nine, though that's not including Chakwas."

"I see," said Richards and he scrutinized his notes once again. "This may sound preposterous but I believe Shepard's been at functioning capacity for at least two weeks now. Her vitals are at optimum levels, she's able to breathe on her own, and from what I can tell she's been having a great deal of brain activity. If we took her off these machines right now, it's very possible that she'll wake up on her own accord."

Nathaniel wanted to punch someone, hard. For months he had been told that nothing could be done, that it was a hopeless cause, yet here was someone completely competent telling him that the others had been wrong for fourteen days! They had robbed him of two more weeks with Shepard, stolen from her more time that could have been spent doing whatever she wanted. It was an unforgivable crime, yet Nathaniel was too elated to exact revenge at that moment. She was alive, and would be able to wake up.

"How soon can you turn off those bloody machines?" asked Nathaniel excitedly, he was practically jumping for joy at that point though he managed to restrain himself.

"I could do it now if you sign these forms," said Richards, handing him his tablet.

He almost signed it right then and there, but something stopped him, he remembered Chakwas words about how turning off the machines would result in Shepard's death not life. "You know, mate, Chakwas said that turning off the machines would likely kill Shepard," he said slowly. "How are you so sure that she'll wake up once you turn those things off?"

"All signs point to the conclusion that she'll live," replied Richards simply. "Besides, after hearing from several doctors that she'll die, why would I go against popular opinion if I wasn't absolutely sure this was the right way?"

"Fair point," conceded Nathaniel and he signed the paperwork. "Turn off those damn machines and bring her back."

Richards nodded and started to systematically shut off the machines, making sure not to trip the alarms that would bring everyone in at once and probably stop him from completely disabling her. Nathaniel watched Shepard as he did, looking for any signs that she might be coming to, though even after the last machine was turned off and the last bit of equipment removed from her body, she remained still. There was no amazing recovery, there was no hype, just stillness. Richards and Nathaniel shared a concerned look as he felt tears sting his eyes and blur his vision; after all that, everyone had been right after all.

He was just about to call for Trinity, when he saw through the bleariness of his tears her eyelashes flutter slightly. His eyes were on hers as he held his breath and waited for what felt like an eternity; when nothing happened immediately after, he had himself half convinced that what he saw was just a trick of his hopeful mind. Then her eyes opened completely and stared back at him.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Sorry this took so long, but I'm sure you'll all enjoy it. This story has certainly earned it's M rating with this chapter. Enjoy!**

* * *

Chapter Seven

"This collar's going to kill me," muttered Nathaniel to Kaidan as they sat in the ridiculously hard seats set out for them in front of the massive stage. Days ago, after news of Shepard's recovery reached the people of the galaxy, they had all been summoned to a ceremony to honor the fallen and pay their respects to the one who saved them. Initially they had all been more than hesitant about bringing Shepard back into the public eye, after all she barely had time to come to grips with the fact she had been comatose for almost an entire year; they were worried she might do something they would all regret later. Much to their surprise, Shepard had not only agreed to attend, she had also agreed to give a speech and a recount of what happened on the Crucible. Needless to say everyone here was excited to hear what she had to say on the matter, Nathaniel had remained tight lipped about the whole situation.

"I agree," said Kaidan as he tried to ease the tightness of his own collar. "Whoever designed dress blues obviously never had to wear them before."

"_Dios_, I just want to get out of this place," muttered James on the other side of Kaidan. "There's a huge buffet just on the other side of a door and we aren't allowed to touch it until after this thing's over and done with. I wish they had decided to feed us while people were giving speeches."

"James, do you think with anything besides your stomach?" asked Kaidan and just as James was about to answer, he clamped a hand over his mouth. "On second thought, don't answer that."

Nathaniel laughed and was about to make a comment himself when the lights in the room dimmed and everyone grew quieter. He looked up at the stage just as Hackett started to walk out, his presence causing all in the room to sit a little straighter and show just a bit more respect as they started to applaud. The old admiral smiled slightly as he looked at the crowd from his place at the podium, acknowledging their applause with humility as always before he signaled for them to quiet down. Clearing his throat, he started to speak.

"Ladies and gentlemen," he said, his voice calm and commanding as always. "Today, we have joined together to honor the men and women of every species who gave their lives so that we could continue living in our galaxy. They knew the risks going in, we all did, but that didn't stop them if anything it made them that more determined to keep fighting despite the odds. We've all lost someone, be it a friend, a relative, or a significant other but loss is not what unites us now. Now we are united in our determination to rebuild and persevere through these troubling times, we have unanimously decided to devote the rest of our lives and resources to bringing back what we lost and to ensure that future generations won't have to suffer a similar struggle. Our children and our grandchildren will remember all that we sacrificed and all that we did to make sure that civilization did not crumble. To honor those whom have given all they had to the cause, we will be building a monument in London commemorating all species that participated in the war. We owe this moment to many people, but tonight we honor one in particular. She has been known to defy the odds rather spectacularly and has never really taken the time to enjoy what she has sowed during her time, and for once I would like her to; she's certainly earned the title Savior of the Galaxy. Please welcome to the stage, Rear Admiral Natalie Shepard."

The crowd applauded again, though Shepard's friends all looked at each other while doing so, obviously confused as to why Hackett had referred to her as 'Rear Admiral.'

"Was she promoted just now?" asked James to Kaidan and Nathaniel, both of whom just shrugged as they returned their attention to the stage where Shepard was now standing at the podium.

Nathaniel could not help but stare at Shepard, in lieu of dress blues she had opted to wear a floor length ball gown, it was midnight blue with silver sparkles throughout which gave the illusion of the night sky. The dress was strapless which showed off her creamy skin and long neck perfectly, and he did not fail to see that there was a slit running up the side of her dress from where it ended to just below the top of her thigh. He knew he should not be leering, after all she was the most respected woman in the galaxy and deserved his respect, but in that dress it was difficult to not notice that she was very much a woman.

"Thank you, Hackett," said Shepard as Hackett went to sit behind her. "I guess by that introduction, I've finally been promoted, and it only took saving the galaxy three times."

There was some laughter from the crowd, though none were laughing as much as the crew sitting in the front row. She looked down at them briefly and smiled for a moment before returning to her speech.

"I wanted to thank you all for coming here this evening, I know with all the work that needs to be done, coming to a party wasn't exactly practical," she said, trying to look out at the crowd but her eyes kept finding Nathaniel instead. "I know that everyone wants to know what happened when I entered the Crucible, because most have been able to figure out that the galaxy wide synthetic failure originated from that point. Well, I'll tell you what happened, and then there will hopefully be no more questions." She paused for a moment to collect herself before continuing. "I entered the Citadel through the beam with General Coats, then Major Coats, after we were both struck down by Harbinger's beam. How we weren't killed, I'll never know, but we weren't so we made it to the Citadel where we discovered Admiral Anderson still alive and waiting for us. We proceeded to a point in the Citadel and there we encountered the Illusive Man, the former commander of Cerberus. It was at this point that he captured all of us and began to reveal his plan to use the Crucible to control the Reapers, rather than destroying them; by now he had been indoctrinated by the Reapers though he was too blind to see it himself. He forced me to shoot and fatally injure Admiral Anderson, using the powers given to him by the Reapers." She stopped and let her words make their way across the crowd, for a moment she expected someone to arrest her for shooting Anderson, but no one made a move.

"How are you so sure you didn't do it yourself?" called out a voice. "Why are we honoring this murderer?!"

Shepard was about to speak but Nathaniel stood up and faced the crowd. "I was there," he said loudly. "I saw the power the Illusive Man had and there's no doubt in my mind that he made Shepard kill her friend and mentor. Shepard and I weren't indoctrinated; otherwise we wouldn't have been able to live past the destruction of the Citadel and Crucible. Now please, remember why we're here, and not just for the free food."

He resumed his seat and winked at Shepard who smiled slightly at him then continued to speak. "Like I said before, Anderson was killed by my gun at the will of the Illusive Man," she said, her voice stronger now. "After that, we attempted to talk him down, hoping that we could use him to aid us against the Reapers but it was too late for him, so he took a pistol and ended his own life. There was nothing I could do to prevent that outcome, yet I can't say I'm all that sad to know he's dead, he killed countless people from every species to achieve his goals and it came at the cost of his humanity. Anyway, after the Illusive Man killed himself, Coats, Anderson, and I were freed from his powers and able to relax for a moment and it was then that Anderson surrendered to his wounds and died. I myself felt like I was going to join him across the sea very shortly, if Hackett had not informed me that the Crucible did not fire and that something was wrong. When I went for the console, I collapsed on the floor beside Coats whom had been following me to the console, and together we woke up at the juncture of the Crucible and Citadel."

"That was when a synthetic being approached us and told us that we had three choices regarding the fate of the galaxy," said Shepard, her eyes trained on the back wall now. "It said it was the previous solution to the problem of synthetic/organic conflict but now a new solution must be found. Our three options were to one, control the Reapers but in the process die and only have our consciousness remain; two, merge synthetic and organic life together using our DNA as a starting point which would then be transferred to all in the galaxy; or three, destroy all synthetics, thus ending the Reaper threat permanently yet still maintaining the ability to rebuild synthetic life.

"The first option was automatically out, I was not about to assume control of a species and fulfill the Illusive Man's dying wish, there was now way. As for the second option, I honestly considered doing it; I thought about giving my life so that the galaxy could all be equal and there would be no more conflict but Coats convinced me differently. He emphasized upon me the weight of my death, telling me that I was the only one who could orchestrate the peace once the war was over. So I chose the third option and decided to destroy synthetic life, and in doing so almost killed Coats and myself. I know that it probably wasn't the most practical or diplomatic decision, but doing so has given us an opportunity to truly rebuild and learn from our mistakes. We know what synthetics are capable of and denying them the ability to transcend into greater beings is a bigger crime, one that we will not be guilty of again. I know this is a lot to absorb, so I will end here and if you have any questions, please speak with the Shadow Broker if you can reach him."

Shepard left the stage before anyone could react, people hardly applauded they were so dumbstruck by her admission, and they were quickly ushered into the adjoining room for dinner. Nathaniel debated for a moment going after her and asking her if she was alright but he thought better of the impulse and followed the others into the room, though he noticed that Joker was no longer smiling.

* * *

There was hardly any conversation occurring at the _Normandy_ crew's table, they all were mostly trying to keep their heads down and eat what food they had the courage to go and get. People around them were whispering and pointing in their direction, so they had little trouble determining that they were the subject of many conversations going on around them, which they would not have minded if they were sure it was positive talk. They were sure people were wondering whether they knew about Shepard's decision and if something could have been done differently to change the outcome of the war. In all honesty, the biggest hurdles regarding Shepard's decision had been at the beginning of the recovery period, now it was no longer an issue that they had AIs and such operational. Though it was pretty shocking to most that their initial struggle had been caused by Shepard.

"I don't know why everyone's making such a big deal out of this," sighed Kaidan as he glared at a few people passing by their table. "As far as I'm concerned, this is a political issue now, after all no one knew what to expect when the Crucible was attached to the Citadel and we couldn't have foreseen this outcome. Now it's up to the politicians and leaders to come to some decision regarding the current state of affairs, not letting the blame fall squarely on Shepard's shoulders. That would be too cruel after all she's done."

"I agree," said Garrus sternly. "Besides, this really isn't an issue any longer, we have our ships and technology back up and we're rebuilding with relative ease. I think what's going on here is just leftover agitation from when the war ended and we weren't sure what to do with limited resources."

"And given the current morale of the people, it's not unexpected that they've reacted this way," chimed in Liara. "Peace is the time to let hostilities and resentments shine, because they are now in a state of safety where they won't cause harm to a multitude of people. Our job now is to remind the people of the galaxy why they put their trust in us in the first place, and show that despite the outcome, we still have their best intentions at heart."

Joker threw his hat on the table and snarled for a moment, surprising everyone who knew him well, though Coats was just as dumbstruck as they were about his behavior. "Look, I don't care what the other options were," he said, barely able to speak through his rage. "The point is, she crippled us when we needed our resources the most, and now we're celebrating her like she's a war hero. If anything, she's a traitor in my eyes."

Garrus rolled his eyes. "You're just pissed that the blast killed EDI, not that Shepard somehow crippled our recovery. You should be ashamed of yourself, Joker, Shepard's your oldest friend and the reason you're still alive today, EDI was an AI in a mechanical body that you knew for about a year. If memory serves, you only really started liking her after she got her body."

"Fuck you, Garrus," snapped Joker and he abruptly stood up from the table and walked away.

"Guess you hit a nerve," said Nathaniel as he sipped his beer.

"That tends to be a problem when you're right," replied Garrus with a shrug and Nathaniel grinned, he had always held a deep respect for the Turian and now he was honored to consider him a good friend. "Speaking of which, has any one seen Shepard? I didn't see her enter the banquet hall."

Nathaniel scanned the room for any sign of the raven-haired woman and saw her sitting in the front with Hackett and some other important looking members of the Alliance. "She's at a front table with Hackett," he informed the others. "Guess she was invited to eat with them."

"Perhaps you should go speak to her, Coats," suggested Tali innocently enough. "You have been the only one to actually get her to speak since she recovered. See if you can bring her over here, it feels like centuries since we last spoke."

"If you call yelling and threats talking, then I suppose you're right," laughed Nathaniel but he knew she was right, while they all knew she loved her crew, she had not been allowed to see them until today really. Nathaniel had been the only one who could see her, though it usually meant having something sharp pointed at a major artery. Slowly he stood up and started walking over to the table, wondering what possible excuse he could use to get Shepard away from the other officers.

"General Coats," said Hackett in greeting when he saw Nathaniel. "It's been a while, how've you been, son?"

"Been doing well, sir, thank you," he said somewhat hastily, he wanted to bring Shepard to her friends without insulting everyone at the table. "Would it be alright if I borrowed Shepard for a little while? I have some business to discuss with her."

Before anyone could say otherwise, Shepard was up from her seat and beside Nathaniel, linking her arm around his. "Of course, General, I doubt these fine gentlemen would mind," she said, barely able to keep the relief out of her voice. "Please excuse me, I'll be back later."

And with that, she started to drag Nathaniel away from the officers' table and towards where he had been sitting with her crew, the haste in her steps telling him that she was desperate to reach them. "Thanks for rescuing me," she whispered as they stepped around people. "I was trying to come up with a way of getting out of there but nothing was coming to me."

"I'm glad I was able to assist," replied Nathaniel and Shepard squeezed his arm as they sat down together, he in his seat and her in Joker's vacated seat beside him. Immediately the crew started talking, filling Shepard in on everything she had missed and asking her about her recovery and if she would be able to return to active duty.

While she could not answer all of their questions, that did not seem to matter to any of them, they were just happy to have her back among them instead of being buried six-feet under. Many times they recounted old stories of Shepard and some of her missions, with her crewmates interjecting whenever someone misremembered something or added details that were not there initially. Nathaniel merely sat and listened to those around him speaking, he had heard these missions before but not with the same zeal that the crew provided, though he did notice that they often skipped over parts concerning Joker; they probably did not want to give attention to the fact he had left. Either way, Shepard looked happier than she had in a very long time, and he could not ask for anything more than that. Though he was not going to complain too much that Shepard was occasionally putting her hand on his thigh or lacing her fingers with his.

* * *

The event ended sometime after midnight, though for the _Normandy_ crew they hardly noticed the hour, they were still having fun retelling their adventures though when the cleaning staff entered the room they decided to continue the fun at their hotel. They were all booked into a luxury hotel a few blocks away from where the ceremony had been held and decided it would be smarter to walk than to try and hail any taxi, which proved to be more difficult than originally thought. Many of the crew were stumbling as they walked, having had too much of the complimentary alcohol, and their laughter filled the dark street. Nathaniel was hanging back from the main group, content to let them have their fun while he went to his room and slept, though he would kind of regret not spending more time with Shepard as he was enjoying the fact she was clinging to his arm. When they walked into the hotel lobby, they all headed for the elevator, except Shepard and Nathaniel.

"We'll catch the next one," called Shepard as her friends tried to get her in with them. Admittedly the elevator was not completely filled, but they would have limited room if they went in there, perhaps Shepard was having a moment of PTSD. When the elevator door closed she went to the other one and swiped her hotel key on the keypad then pulled Nathaniel inside with her, the second the door closed behind them, she pulled him into a passionate kiss. The kiss was unexpected but not unappreciated, and Nathaniel found himself wrapping his arms around her waist as hers went around his neck and her fingers tangled in his hair. He felt like he was floating in the clouds, the way she was kissing him was hungry and demanding, like she was going to die if she did not kiss him that very second. Nathaniel was equally as desperate to feel her and hoisted her up on his waist, managing to not break the kiss, and when her legs were locked around him he pushed her up against the nearest wall. Their kisses became more fervent then, and Nathaniel slid his hand up Shepard's dress, surprised to find that she was wearing a very thin and fragile thong. Without really thinking, he twisted his fingers in the band and broke it easily, earning him a surprised gasp from Shepard that allowed him to slip his tongue into her mouth. His free hand slipped between her legs and stroked her sex lightly, he could already feel the intense heat coming from her and the thought of sliding in there made him groan audibly.

The elevator came to a sudden stop on Shepard's floor and at the sound of the doors opening, they quickly untangled from each other, trying desperately to make themselves look presentable in case someone was standing outside. Nathaniel struggled not to grin though, he had Shepard's broken thong in his back pocket where he was sure anyone could see it easily. There was no one waiting to use the elevator so they left as quickly as possible, Shepard dragging Nathaniel with her as she directed them to her room where they could pick up where they left off. Once there, she swiped her key again and the door opened easily, and it was barely closed when Nathaniel pushed her against the wall to claim her lips in a searing kiss.

Shepard's smile when they broke apart was almost predatory and it sent a surge of blood down to Nathaniel's cock; he was by now painfully hard and in desperate need of release. As if sensing his dilemma, Shepard led him over to her bed and he landed on top of her, their clothes now an unbearable hindrance to their objective. Shepard's hand shot out and began unfastening his belt and pants while he reached around her back for the zipper to her dress, sighing a little as it came free and he pushed it down around her waist, not wanting to break their close contact to push it off completely. Shepard lay back down on the bed and stared at his hard member, licking her lips at the sight, which only made Nathaniel harder. He reached down a little for the hem of her dress and pushed it up as well, giving him as much access as he needed to his desired target.

Once he was settled between her long, firm legs Shepard instantly wrapped them around him, which only served to press him closer to her core that now was radiating heat and the sensation of it against his cock made Nathaniel's eyes cross. He could hardly believe he was in this moment, that it was not in fact a wonderful dream where he would wake up from before getting to the part he wanted. With new resolve, in one thrust he was buried up to the hilt deep inside Shepard, eliciting a loud moan from both of them and when he recovered he set a somewhat hard and slow pace. It had been a while since he had been with a woman, and he knew he could not last as long as he wanted but he was going to make this last for as long as he possibly could, even if that meant a slower starting pace. She felt so good wrapped around him, so tight and hot, he almost lost himself in that feeling. Instead he tried to focus on everything else; on the way she moaned whenever he hit a particular spot, her breathing when he would slow down or speed up, the way her breasts moved as he plunged into her over and over again.

Nathaniel had no idea how much time had passed between the elevator and this, but he could not care less, he was completely wrapped up in giving the gorgeous creature beneath him all the pleasure he could. He could feel himself getting closer to climaxing and as much as he wanted her to come with him, he knew that would probably not happen; not that he did not want to try. Leaning down, he clamped his mouth down around her dusty pink nipple and started to suck as he drove his manhood into her faster, this made her arch her back and begin to writhe under him even more than before. After he was finished with the first breast, he moved over to the other, giving it as much attention as the first when he felt Shepard clamp down on him.

"Coats," she moaned as she came, her fingers digging into his shoulders.

That was his undoing, and he spilled himself deep within her, moaning her name against her breast. He stayed still for a few moments trying to catch his breath and regain his sight, he was about to pull out when Shepard's legs tightened around him.

"Not yet, Coats," she said somewhat breathlessly. "Give me another twenty before we take a break."

"Yes, ma'am," he said, amazed to find himself half hard already. She leaned up and kissed him hard as her hands trailed down his chest, finding where his shirt ended and his pants began, she started tugging on it and he obliged in taking it off. He pressed himself against her, her breasts feeling amazing against his bare chest and she started to move, which made him even harder. Nathaniel began to thrust once again, this time faster than when they first started and before becoming completely lost he had one last thought, _'This is going to be a very long night.'_


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Sorry for the delay! This chapter is in Shepard's POV. We've almost reached the end. Enjoy!**

* * *

Chapter Eight

The weeks after the ceremony were hardly exciting but they were incredibly busy; many of the people whom had been living in Dover were moving to London permanently with very few staying behind. The first ones to leave were Garrus and Tali, while they had been serving their species in London on a regular basis, they had made Dover their home base and would often return for weeks at a time in order to be near Shepard. Now that she was fully recovered, they no longer saw the necessity to keep a home in Dover.

"Do you guys really have to go?" asked Shepard as she helped Tali put a box in a shuttle.

"I'm afraid so, Shepard," replied Tali calmly, though there was a noticeable hitch in her voice. "We have important work to do in regards to rebuilding our home worlds and it's best to do it in London where everyone is instead of traveling between two places at a moment's notice."

Shepard understood her friends' positions, she really did, but that did not stop her from putting up some kind of fight to keep them in Dover. "But we won't see each other as often," she argued. "Even by shuttle, London's far away from Dover and you'll be too busy to even bother visiting."

"Now Shepard, there's no need to pout," said Garrus playfully as he walked up. "We'll try to visit as often as our jobs will allow and if necessary, we'll hire a shuttle to bring you to us. We haven't let little things like distance or death stop us from being friends before, and we aren't about to start."

"I know," huffed Shepard, her arms crossed tightly against her chest. "I still don't like it."

Garrus gave her the Turian equivalent to a smile before he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close against his chest; he held her until she relented and returned his embrace. "I'll miss you," said Garrus gently as he ran a talon through her hair. "Promise me you won't do anything too crazy without me."

"I promise," she replied, her voice muffled against his armor and he released her.

"You won't be alone here, Shepard," said Tali as cheerfully as she could manage. "You'll still have Kaidan, and James, and the illustrious General Nathaniel Coats." The Quarian giggled when she mentioned Nathaniel, she and Garrus were among the few privileged enough to know that Shepard and he had spent a night or two together.

Shepard rolled her eyes. "Tali, nothing's going on between Nate and I. We spent a few nights together while in London and none since we returned, there's no need to start planning a wedding or anything."

"Deny it all you want, Shepard," teased Garrus. "But you know he's interested in more than just a physical relationship with you. I mean the man spent every day by your side until you woke up and before he himself was fully recovered, he asked to be taken to Dover with you. That's a lot of effort to put in for just a few hours of—"

"Okay, Garrus," interrupted Shepard, there was no way she wanted him to finish that sentence. "I get what you're saying, though I'm still sure that nothing will happen between him and I. He probably has some girl that he got separated from during the war and is going to start looking for her now that everything's calmed down."

"Humans really are interesting creatures," said Tali, a smile in her voice. "Alright, Shepard, we won't tease you anymore about Coats. Just make sure to send us an invitation to the wedding."

Shepard groaned loudly, if it were not for the fact her friends were about to leave she would have continued arguing with them. Instead she hugged them both as tight as she could and managed somehow to keep from crying as they flew away in the shuttle.

* * *

The next crewmate to leave Dover a few days later was Liara, whom had also found a small home to live in during Shepard's recovery but was needed elsewhere; most assumed it was to return to the Asari home world and help rebuild, the rest knew it had to do with Shadow Broker business. Shepard was not as heartbroken to see her leave as she had been with Tali and Garrus, she had never really seen eye-to-eye with the Asari maiden, and even less so when she learned what she had done with her body. Still, she thought it would be rude not to say good-bye.

"I think that's everything," said Liara as the last mover put a box in her personal shuttle. "Everything should be accounted for and if I'm right, won't get destroyed during the flight."

Shepard tried not to roll her eyes; the usually confident Shadow Broker was now behaving like a child leaving home for the first time. "Don't worry, Liara," she said kindly. "Nothing will break and you'll get there in one piece. I'm sure things will go better than you think."

Liara smiled at Shepard, she had always liked the commander even though she was aware of the fact the commander did not really care for her. "Thank you, Shepard," she said gratefully. "It means a great deal to me that you came to see me off, I know we have not always gotten along even at the best of times. You have always been someone I've greatly admired and aspired to be like, you are a shining example to all and I hope you will not forget that."

"That's very kind of you to say, Liara," said Shepard, somewhat uncomfortable with the Asari's praise. "I'm sure I haven't always been as great as you claim, but it's nice to know I have someone like you in my corner after all this time."

"And you always will," said Liara sweetly. "I know that General Coats has . . . initiated romantic proceedings with you, but I'd like to ask you something: would you ever consider becoming my bond mate?"

Shepard was not happy with that question, it was not the first time Liara had approached her in a romantic way, but she had hoped that the last time she rejected her it would have deterred her from asking again. "Liara, I've already told you before," said Shepard patiently, amazed that she was not lashing out like she had in the past. "I've never been nor will I ever be interested in being your bond mate or the father of your children. Why are you so fixated on me? Is this some kind of reverse Stockholm syndrome where you fall for your rescuer rather than your captor?"

"I am fixated on you because you fascinate me," replied Liara tartly. "You are one of the few humans I have encountered whom can do impossible feats yet not go seeking accolades or praise. And yes, while my admiration for you started when you rescued me, it has not grown for that reason alone. I love you, Natalie, whether you like it or not."

"Good bye, Liara," said Shepard sharply and she turned on her heel, retreating back to her apartment, not sparing the Asari a parting glance.

* * *

"Wait, she said what!?" exclaimed James after Shepard had finished telling him about her final encounter with Liara at her home.

"She said she loved me," said Shepard simply with a shrug. "I always knew that or at least suspected as much, I just never thought she'd tell me."

"You didn't say you loved her back, did you?" asked Kaidan as he threw her a beer. "I mean, Liara's attractive I suppose, but I didn't know you were into that kind of thing."

Shepard stared up at him incredulously. "Kaidan, in all the years that you've known me, have I ever once expressed an interest in women, let alone Asari?"

Kaidan shook his head as he sat down, popping open his bottle of beer. "No, but under the right circumstances Liara probably could have persuaded you and I didn't want you to be taken advantage of. She's nice and all but she makes me nervous, like she's secretly calculating the number of ways she can mess with us."

"I think that's what she does," laughed James as he accepted a beer from Kaidan. "I swear I heard her going over a list of ways to kill Samantha as she walked to the bathroom. I was so freaked out I avoided her for days afterwards."

"Wouldn't surprise me in the slightest," sighed Shepard, looking at her beer like it was a foreign object; lately she had had very little appetite for such things, actually she had not had much of an appetite at all. "Hey, have you two seen Coats lately?"

James looked at Kaidan and shrugged.

"I thought I saw him walking around the park earlier while on my run," replied Kaidan. "But I haven't seen him since, sorry."

"That's fine," said Shepard as she stood up and tossed her beer to James. "I'll just go over to his place and see what's going on with him." She made her way over to the front door and was almost clear when she heard James call behind her.

"Don't trip and fall into his bed!"

Kaidan laughed and Shepard tried not to react, that would just be giving them what they wanted, instead she opened the door and stepped out but not before she heard the sounds of beer bottles clinking.

* * *

Shepard made her way to Nathaniel's apartment complex, which was only a short walk from where she was living with James and Kaidan, proceeding when she entered over to the elevator. She entered and pressed the button for the third floor, wondering during the ride up to his apartment what she would find when she arrived. The elevator stopped and she got out, taking the hallway to the left until she found his door, gently she knocked and waited for a response.

"Who is it?" she heard his muffled voice call.

"It's Natalie," she said, wondering briefly why she used her first name.

There was a pause before she heard him fumbling around with the lock in his door and the doorknob as well. Soon enough he opened the door, and when she saw him she was stunned to see him looking so upset, it looked as if he had been crying as well by his red eyes and glistening cheeks. She was unsure whether or not she should even be here now.

"I can always come back," she said suddenly, hoping he would let her out of here easily.

"No, no," he said, moving to the side so she would have enough room to enter. "I'm fine, really, I just got . . . well, some bad news. Please come in, Nat."

Somewhat reluctantly Shepard went inside, Nathaniel closing the door behind her and they proceeded to the living room where they sat down together on the couch. Shepard was a little surprised that he had not suggested going to his bedroom or had made some kind of advance on her, instead he sat respectfully beside her, his hands in his lap.

"What bad news did you get?" she asked, curious as to why he was crying so hard.

Nathaniel was quiet for a few more moments and Shepard was sure she had done something wrong by being the first to address the issue but she was always blunt so this should hardly surprise him.

"I found out this morning that one of the men formerly under my command committed suicide a few weeks ago," said Nathaniel quietly. "From what his note said, he wanted to rejoin his wife and little girls, so he took his own life."

Shepard was stunned, just a short while ago Nathaniel had been discussing plans for visiting his friend and his family in Dublin to see how they were doing, now he would probably end up going there to visit his grave instead. "Nate," she said softly, putting a hand on his. "I'm so sorry."

"Thank you, Natalie," he said in a hoarse voice, she could tell he was choking back tears, perhaps worried about how it would look to her if he started crying again. She moved her arms so they were wrapped around his shoulders and she pulled him against her, letting him lean on her. They stayed that way for most of the afternoon, sitting together as Shepard whispered words of condolences and encouragement. The morning sun found them on the sofa asleep, wrapped in each other's arms.

* * *

Shepard walked into the clinician's office a week later for her bi-monthly check-up, less than thrilled to be there yet again. She felt like she had already been here and that it was unnecessary to be returning, then again she did not want to hear any nagging from anyone about how she should be there and how she needed to make sure she was healing properly. She was pretty sure that none of her remaining friends would give her a moment's peace if she decided not to go to one of her appointments and this was probably far easier to do than to hide from them.

She was led to a back room where the nurse, whom to her relief was not Trinity, instructed her to lie down on the examination table and relax while the nurse ran her omni-tool over her body to get a basic reading. There were still a few thousand cybernetics within her body keeping her limbs together and maintaining organ function, so the nurse was checking to make sure they were still operational, given how faulty they could be now or so they said. Shepard tried not to sigh as the nurse carefully scanned almost every inch of her upper body; her last visit had shown that there was nothing wrong with her cybernetics, but they still insisted on this tedious exam. The nurse reached her abdomen and frowned slightly, which intrigued Shepard, and she watched as the nurse adjusted her omni-tool and rescanned her lower abdomen.

"Miss Shepard, when was the last time you engaged in sexual intercourse?" asked the nurse and Shepard was taken aback.

She tried to shrug as best as she could in her given position, not wanting to seem too jumpy about the question. "I'd say about two or three months ago, why? Do I have a souvenir up there?"

The nurse ignored her crude remark. "Well, yes, if you consider a baby a souvenir."

The word hit Shepard's ears as if it were from another language, there was no way in hell that she could possibly be pregnant; after all, what was she going to do with a baby? She could barely take care of herself right now, let alone bring up another human being.

"We're going to have to run some tests on the fetus," continued the nurse as if she had not completely flipped Shepard's world for a complete loop. "I suspect that you haven't taken excellent care of yourself lately, and we have to make sure that no harm has been done."

Shepard merely nodded, her head spinning as she thought about one thing: she was pregnant with Nathaniel's child. And she was terrified.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Switching POVs in this chapter. Enjoy!**

* * *

Chapter Nine

There was a knock on the door shortly before noon and when Kaidan opened it, he was somewhat surprised to see Nathaniel standing on his doorstep, a small smile on his lips. Wordlessly he invited the general inside the apartment, wondering why he had decided to come over now when they were due to meet up at the pub down the street in a few hours.

"Is there something I could help you with, Coats?" asked Kaidan casually as he sat down on the nearest chair, his arms crossed against his chest as he watched the other man closely.

"No, no," replied Nathaniel somewhat nervously. "I was just hoping to catch Shepard and see if she wanted to join me for lunch this afternoon. She wouldn't happen to be in, would she?"

Kaidan shrugged. "I'm not sure she's here to be entirely honest. I haven't heard anything out of her room all morning and she's usually up and going before I am. Maybe you should try stopping by later, I'll definitely let her know you stopped by though."

Nathaniel nodded his head slowly before making his way to the door, looking far more dejected than Kaidan had expected. When the man was gone, Kaidan rolled his eyes and looked at the sofa across from his position, wondering why Nathaniel did not look more into the situation than he had.

"He's gone now, you coward," called Kaidan and Shepard popped up from behind the sofa, her hair slightly a mess as she stood up and dusted herself off. "You sure do know how to hit the deck, Shepard. I'll keep that little trick of yours in mind the next time I want to avoid the mother of my child."

Shepard scowled as she lay down on the sofa, picking up the book she had thrown down in her haste once she heard knocking on the front door. "Shut it, Kai. I'm not in the mood to be lectured by you, especially about this subject. I know I'm acting stupid but it's for a good reason, the sooner I can get this mess under control the better, and then Nate won't have to be subjected to this." She gestured at the somewhat noticeable bump protruding from her abdomen. "Just keep covering for me until I can get out of here, then you can tell him the truth."

"Shepard, you're being ridiculous," sighed Kaidan as he shook his head. "As far as I'm concerned, Coats has a right to know that you're having his child, and after all he's done for you treating him like this is a cold blow."

"And why do you care so much, Kaidan?" asked Shepard sharply. "It's not like this is any of your concern anyhow. As far as I'm concerned, my body stopped being your worry after our one night together."

They shared a heated look from across the room and Kaidan made his way over to her, kneeling down so he was eye level with her. He put a warm hand on her leg while he leaned in close, so close she could see the flecks of dark brown in his cognac eyes, she could feel his breath tickling her lips. She waited for the kiss.

"Either you tell him, or I will," he whispered then pulled away from her completely.

"That was a dirty trick, Alenko!" she shouted as he walked off to the kitchen.

"Who do you think I learned it from?" he shot back and she scowled.

'_That's what I get for playing hard to get with him,'_ she thought to herself as she nestled back against the couch cushions, her book opened to the place she had left off. Little did she know how much Kaidan had actually picked up from her in the last few years.

* * *

Nathaniel stared at the ceiling above his couch, wondering why Shepard had been avoiding him these last few days, he had been trying to ask her out on a proper date but she never seemed to be around. He was starting to think she had a new man she was interested in and was out with him all of the time now, that would certainly explain why her friends rarely saw her but it was still not an explanation to him, if anything it was a slap the face. After their tryst in London she had made it very clear that a relationship between them would take time and for him not to rush anything with her, as she had not been with anyone in a while. He had understood of course, knew that it would be foolish to think that one night constituted an entire relationship, and accepted her conditions. Now to think that she was with someone else, which would contradict everything she told him, was a devastating blow.

"Why did even believe I had a chance?" he wondered aloud, still thinking about that moment he thought he was going to die and he saw the faces of everyone whom had ever meant anything to him. Shepard's face had been the last and longest image, but perhaps that was because his mind was giving him the chance to die in ignorance, letting him die happy without learning the painful truth that she would never reciprocate his feelings.

Suddenly there was a knock on his door and his heart jumped in his chest, he could not help thinking that perhaps it was Shepard and she had come after getting his message from Kaidan. He tried not to trip over himself as he went to the door and when he answered it he was floored to see Kaidan standing there.

"General," said Kaidan pleasantly, an easy going smile on his lips.

"Major," said Nathaniel as he stepped aside and let Kaidan into his apartment. "I think I'm having a moment of déjà vu but weren't our roles reversed and I was at your house?"

Kaidan let out a short laugh before sitting in Nathaniel's armchair. "It's not déjà vu, that actually did happen, and I'm about to make your day, Coats."

Nathaniel was a little more than skeptical about why exactly Kaidan was here but he was not about to turn the man away, not when he might be the keeper of all the answers he sought. He knew Shepard regarded Kaidan as her brother and most trusted confidant, if he was here that meant two things either Shepard sent him to tell him to sod off or he was here to tell him something he really needed to know. "Alright, Major," said Nathaniel as he took his spot on the couch. "Make my day."

"I know where Shepard's going to be in the next . . ." he trailed off as he checked his omni-tool, "the next thirty minutes or so, are you interested?"

"I'll admit, you've got my attention now," said Nathaniel a little relieved yet terrified, for all he knew he was about to be given the location of Shepard's rendezvous point with some man. "Where's she going to be?"

Kaidan smiled broadly. "Right here."

Nathaniel cocked an eyebrow and looked at Kaidan like he had just sprouted an extra head. "What do you mean she's going to be here?"

"I mean I've set things up so she'll come right to your doorstep," replied Kaidan smoothly. "Look, she's been avoiding you for a reason and I think you deserve to know, and while it's not my place to tell you what it is, it is my place to set it up so she'll tell you. I don't like the way her mind works sometimes, so occasionally I have to step in and get her to fix her problems otherwise everyone'll be miserable. Just be warned, when she arrives here she is going to be beyond pissed but mostly at me, so that's fine; I can handle her being angry at me, what I can't handle is seeing her hurt you. Believe me when I say that you're very special to her, and that's the only reason why I'm doing what I'm doing. If you were anyone else, I'd let this situation continue down its current path."

Nathaniel was absolutely dumbfounded by Kaidan's words; they answered so many questions yet at the same time created new ones. He decided to go with what was probably the safest one to ask in this moment. "What did you do that will send her here?"

Again Kaidan smiled before reaching into his pocked and pulling something out of it that he tossed to Nathaniel. He caught it with ease but was a little confused when he saw it, the object was a necklace, more specifically it was a pressed metal sand dollar hanging from a black metal chain.

"What's this?" he asked as he held up the necklace so Kaidan could see it more clearly.

"Shepard's most treasured possession," explained Kaidan somewhat solemnly. "That necklace was a birthday present her mother made Shepard shortly before her death, which was not too long after she lost her father. Shepard wears it everyday, no matter what the outfit, though sometimes she'll wear it as a bracelet or something else if the occasion requires."

An image flashed of the night Nathaniel spent with Shepard, he remembered this necklace wrapped around her wrist, the medallion catching what little light was in the room as she moved her hands over his body. He shook himself immediately from those thoughts he needed to focus on the situation right now.

"So how is this going to bring her here?" he asked, still a little curious as to what Kaidan's full plan was.

"She keeps this thing in the same place," continued Kaidan. "When she sees it missing, her obvious reaction will be to search for it, and that's when I'll step in an tell her that you have it. She'll likely figure out that I was the one who gave it to you, but she won't care in that moment, hopefully all she will care about is getting it back from you so she'll come here to retrieve it. That's the time to get answers, all you have to do is keep repeating 'why are you avoiding me?' and she'll cave once she realizes that you won't be giving her the necklace back until she confesses."

Nathaniel thought about his plan for a few moments before speaking. "Major, this has to be one of the sneakiest, most underhanded plans I've ever heard," he said at last as he played with the medallion on the chain. "You've certainly learned a lot while working with Shepard, haven't you?"

Kaidan let out a loud laugh as he nodded. "I certainly have, she's an excellent teacher in the world of subterfuge and deceit. Oh and just to get this out of the way and to take away one more weapon she could use against you, she and I did sleep together once while we served on the original _Normandy_. Don't worry, it hasn't happened since and I don't have any romantic feelings towards her whatsoever, and her heart is fixed squarely on you."

"Well, I appreciate you telling me before I questioned your motives," said Nathaniel with a shaky laugh. "No offense, but could we please agree to never speak of this again, at least the last part?"

"Of course," said Kaidan, playfully rolling his eyes. "Just as a fair warning for the future, when Shepard gets drunk, she'll start talking about her past lovers so don't be surprised when my name comes up again especially if I'm there. She doesn't mean any harm by it, she's just a very honest drunk."

"How is that different from when she's sober?" asked Nathaniel and the two men laughed, each wondering in the backs of their minds if this would be the last time they would be able to laugh once Shepard found out about Kaidan's plan.

* * *

Shepard stepped out of the shower and sighed heavily, ordinarily showers helped her relax and think clearly but this time she was still as conflicted as ever. In all her years as an officer, and all of her years in combat, not one scenario had prepared her for getting pregnant and how to deal with the father of that child in a mature and adult manner. She was used to running and evading difficult situations, that was how she did things whenever she could not fight her way out, and normally when she did something like this she felt relieved and alive. Right now, however, she felt hollow and empty and though she would never openly admit it, it was because she really did not want to be avoiding Nathaniel.

When she was with him, she felt like nothing was impossible, that she was back to how she was before the Crucible and when she was away from him she doubted herself constantly and lacked any confidence. Her psychiatrist had told her the doubt and lack of confidence stemmed from the regret she had over her decision on how to end the war and that when she was people who believed in her she would remember why they did in the first place. Initially she had brushed off the doctor's words as merely hearsay, nothing rooted in fact, but the more she thought about it the more she was inclined to believe the theory.

Looking down at herself, still completely naked, she saw the swell of her abdomen and felt a rush of guilt and love all at once; love as this was her own child growing in her and she had secretly always wanted a family, guilt over the fact she was keeping Nathaniel at arm's reach and had been since London. If she was being honest, she was terrified of having any kind of relationship beyond a physical one with anybody but with him, she wanted to have that kind of intimacy that was only felt when things were done outside of the bedroom. When Nathaniel had asked her the next morning after their tryst to have dinner with him that night, she had been on the verge of saying yes but hesitated when she realized what he wanted and that she wanted it as well. Recognizing she wanted a relationship with someone was scary for her, since she never let anyone get that close, the closest person to her was Kaidan and even he did not know all of the secrets in her heart. Letting Nathaniel get even closer than that was a thought that both elated and panicked her, and she defaulted to running and evading. Now she was regretting her decision immensely.

With one more sigh she picked up the towel on the counter and dried herself off, making sure to be gentle around her baby bump, then she put on the sweatpants and t-shirt she had picked out beforehand. She was doing everything in her power to relax but nothing was working and nothing probably would work unless she saw Nathaniel again. As she went into her bedroom she thought about maybe going over to speak with him the next day, after she had some time to compose herself and think about what she wanted to say. She walked to her dresser and lifted the lid on the seashell box that sat in the center, expecting to see her necklace instead she saw a white notecard with familiar tight handwriting:

_With Nathaniel, love you!_

'_I'm going to kill him!'_ she thought furiously as she ripped up the card and reached for her sneakers sitting under her bed. Through her haze of rage she somehow managed to put on her shoes and grab a jacket as she left the apartment, making sure to slam the door behind her so everyone in her building would know to stay away from her until she said it was safe to leave their homes. She exited the lobby and headed straight for Nathaniel's place, imagining several different and surprisingly detailed manners in which she could seriously maim or kill Kaidan with just a fork.

* * *

"I have a feeling she's on her way over," said Kaidan as he went over to the door, making sure to pull the hood on his sweatshirt up over his head before he opened it. "Remember what I told you, the necklace is collateral, so don't give it to her until you get your answer and trust me you'll know it when you hear it."

Nathaniel nodded and let out a shaky breath. "I still don't feel completely comfortable with this idea, Kaidan, she'll be really upset about the necklace and I don't want to anger her further than she already is."

Kaidan clapped Nathaniel on the shoulder and smiled encouragingly. "Don't worry, things will work out just fine, now if you need me I'll be hiding out somewhere in town until things with Shepard blow over. Hopefully I'll be back by Christmas."

"You shouldn't have gone through all of this just to get her to speak with me," insisted Nathaniel as Kaidan readied to leave.

"Coats, trust me, I'm more than happy to meddle in this mess," he said sternly then he left the apartment, running down the hall as fast as he could before Shepard arrived. He left not a moment too soon, as the elevator doors just a few feet away opened and outstepped a very livid Shepard. Nathaniel realized too late that in his desire to speak with Kaidan that he had left himself vulnerable by keeping the door open, and she went right to him, her blue eyes almost black when he saw them.

"Where is he, Coats?" she asked, her voice dripping with venom. She did not wait for him to give her any kind of answer and breezed past him into the apartment, starting her manhunt without any help from him. Nathaniel barely closed the door when she started shouting.

"Alenko!" she cried as she started pulling blankets and cushions off of the couch. "I know you're here, you son of a bitch! Now come out and give me my necklace!" She moved on from the couch and saw a few boxes that looked as if they had been purposefully arranged in the manner of a fort in the corner. She looked down and saw a plate sitting on the table nearby, picking it up she threw it across the room, watching vindictively as it hit the wall and shattered just above the boxes. "Get out here now!"

Nathaniel had seen enough to know that this was not going to end well for him or his possessions if he kept her from her precious necklace any longer. "Natalie calm down!" he shouted and she rounded to him, giving him a look that might have set him ablaze. "I have your damn necklace, now stop destroying my things or you won't get it back!"

Immediately Shepard put down the next projectile she had selected from Nathaniel's table, which happened to be his remote control, and watched him with narrowed eyes as he approached. He was cautious but he made sure she could see that the necklace was indeed in his possession, which seemed to relax her somewhat but that was hardly reassuring.

"Give it to me," she said when he was close enough, extending her hand though her eyes never left his face.

Nathaniel was about to just that when he remembered why he wanted her here in the first place. "I'll give it to you," he said slowly, trying to gauge her reaction. "If you tell me why you've been avoiding me these last few days."

Shepard was somewhat surprised by his request but not really. "You really want to know this badly, huh?" she asked, her voice dangerous and he nodded. She grabbed for the necklace and Nathaniel reacted a second too late, she had it safely back in her possession and immediately fastened it around her neck. "The reason I've been avoiding you is I'm pregnant and you're the father."


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter Ten

'_The reason I've been avoiding you is I'm pregnant and you're the father!'_ The words echoed in Nathaniel's head like a catchy song lyric, replaying again and again until the meaning finally hit him. He was going to be a father! Shepard was pregnant with his child and he was going to be a father! Joy immediately filled his heart, his anger towards Shepard for avoiding him was completely gone and all he wanted to do was embrace her and enjoy this moment just a little bit longer.

"I'm going to be a dad!" he shouted, somewhat aware that Shepard was still in the room and that she was looking at him like he had just lost whatever was left of his mind. "Nat, this is fantastic news!" He nearly embraced her but she put a hand to his chest, halting him in his tracks.

"Coats, calm down," she said, surprisingly calm for someone who had just been throwing plates at walls and screaming bloody murder. "You're not going to be a father."

Nathaniel was incredibly confused by her statement. "What? What do you mean? Are you planning on terminating the pregnancy?" He had a feeling that was the wrong thing to say but that was what came to mind when she said that he was not going to be a father, after all how else could he not be?

Shepard glared up at him and retracted her hand like he was suddenly too hot to touch. "Of course not!" she snapped, her eyes narrow slits. "I want this baby, dammit and I'm not going to do something like that! What I meant was I don't want you involved in the child's life, fuck if it hadn't have been for Kaidan, you wouldn't even know."

"You were planning on keeping this from me?!" raged Nathaniel, slightly disgusted at her admission. "For how bloody long, Shepard?"

"The rest of your life," she retorted, taking a step forward. "I didn't want you involved at all, and I especially didn't want you to know. You didn't need to know, you would've been much better off in life not knowing anything about this situation! My plan was to hide from you, have the baby, and move away from here; and it would've worked too, if Kaidan's moral compass weren't so damn straight."

Nathaniel could hardly believe that he was hearing this; after all they had been through together, after the way they had been moving forward in their relationship, she went ahead and said something like that. "I'm glad he at least had the decency to tell me! I knew something was up with you and I was going mad trying to figure it out, I thought you had another bloke, but now I guess that was partially true. Fuck, Natalie, I thought there was something between us but I guess I was nothing more than a fling to you. Everyone outside of your crew always said you were a coldhearted bitch that only cared about herself; this just proves it to me! I mean really, what kind of a woman acts the way you do towards people? They reach out to you and you knock them down then make them feel guilty for trying to get to know you in the first place, like it was their fault for wanting to know a little bit more about you!"

Shepard felt like she had been slapped hard in the face. "Oh really?!" she screamed. "I'm a selfish, coldhearted bitch, huh? Would someone like that keep a baby conceived during a fling? Or would they get rid of it at first chance and not even bother thinking twice about it? I kept it so that must mean something! It must mean I have a heart of some kind!" She wanted him to hurt as badly as she did. "It must mean that I care enough about you not to kill your child! But you don't see it that way, you just think I enjoy hurting people who want to be my friend or more, you don't even think about why I might keep people at a distance!"

The words hit Nathaniel like a boulder, in his rage he had not that about the situation like that, he thought that maybe she was just waiting to get a termination and was going to torture him. He had no idea that she might have stayed pregnant because he meant something to her and that their child meant something too. _'I'm such a fool,'_ he thought miserably before coming to a conclusion of his own.

"If that's true, then why weren't you going to tell me?" he demanded, taking a step towards her. "You just said I meant something to you but apparently not enough to tell me that you're pregnant with my child, and certainly not enough to want me around to be a dad to it."

'_Damn him,'_ she thought as she breathed heavily, her rage subsiding. _'He's really going to make me come out and say it.'_

"Because I was afraid!" she cried, the honesty lifting a weight from her chest she had not realized she had been carrying. "I was afraid. I was afraid that you and I were getting too close, that soon I would come to care for you and possibly love you; then I found out about the baby and knew we were close after all, though on an entirely different level." She took a deep breath before continuing, knowing this was the part he actually wanted to hear. "I do care about you, Nate, more than I ever have towards another person before; and it scared me that I could allow myself in that position so willingly. The way I grew up, vulnerabilities like that were exploited and used as leverage in order to gain control. I thought that I had managed to separate myself completely from my heart, keeping it out of reach of anyone who might try and use it for themselves. I even kept my friends at arm's length despite their loyalty and love towards me, but you . . . you managed to find a way in." Shepard looked up at him, a defeated woman with her heart bare before him, thinking that she was making a terrible mistake.

Nathaniel was stunned by what she said he knew she was distant and that it was in her nature, but to hear why was so tragic and made him love her all the more. Looking at her in her current state, he knew he was seeing the woman that very few had even caught a glimpse of under the hard exterior and many barriers. She was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Without a word, he closed the space between them and pulled her against him in a tight embrace, wanting her to know that he understood and loved her just the same; he could tell she understood his meaning when she clung onto him as if he were being pulled away. Tentatively he kissed her forehead, a gesture he saw make her smile.

"I love you," he whispered against her hair and he felt her lean more of her body against him.

"I know," she said, trying to keep herself from crying. "I heard you say that before."

For a moment Nathaniel was confused, since the day Shepard awoke he had not uttered that phrase even once, even when he was sure she could not hear him. "What do you mean?" he asked finally.

Shepard pulled away and looked up in his eyes. "When you told me that you needed me, and that you would be by my side always. You also told me I had earned my chance to lean on someone instead of being leaned on."

"How . . . how could you?" asked Nathaniel, dumbstruck. He had indeed told her all of that, but when he thought she was in a coma and could not actually hear him, though he had hoped she might. This was certainly not what he expected. "I . . . I told you that on the _Normandy_, in the medbay on the trip to Dover. You weren't responsive then, how in the world did you hear me? Let alone remember it?"

Shepard shrugged. "I'm not sure myself, to be perfectly honest. All I remember is hearing your voice in a dense fog, and the words were so sincere and moving that I knew I wanted to remember them for as long as I lived. Then I felt a change, like the fog was becoming a little less dense. I know it sounds utterly ridiculous but that's how I remember it."

Nathaniel pressed his forehead against hers. "I should have known you actually heard me, your heart started to beat regularly after that, and I just had this feeling. Why didn't you say something about it sooner?"

"I didn't want to," she said softly. "I wanted to pretend that you never said anything, that it was all some fantasy I had created in order to pull through and give myself some comfort. I didn't want to think that someone like you could love someone as broken as me, and I didn't want to let myself love you either, it went against everything I knew. Yet . . . I did anyway."

"You love me?" he asked breathlessly, his heart hammering in his chest as he registered the weight of her words.

Shepard nodded against his chest. "Yes, I believe I do, or I at least care about you strongly enough not to want you to ever leave me." She pulled away from him again and saw that he was already looking down at her, a strange look on his face that she could only guess was love. He leaned down just as she lifted her head up, their lips meeting in a soft yet adoring kiss, one that made her stomach flip and her mind cloud over. She was more than a little disappointed when it ended.

"So," said Nathaniel nervously, his grip on her tightening incase she tried to run away. "Where do we go from here? I know you what you said before, but then you said a few other things and now I'm a little confused as to where that leaves us."

"Well, now that we know where we stand as far as feelings towards each other," started Shepard cautiously. "I suppose that changes my mind about not wanting you to be around to help raise our child, if anything it makes me want to have you around even more than I thought I would."

Nathaniel grinned. "And I suppose, even though we don't know each other as well as most couples know each other in this situation, we could give it a shot to see how things work out between us. I mean, at best we get married and have a dozen children, at worst we end up on separate sides of the planet with our child as the only means of communication."

Shepard laughed. "I think this kid's going to be in for a bumpy ride with us as parents, I mean, I can't even knit or play with dolls; how on earth is this kid going to grow up normal?"

"It might not be the standard child, but he'll know about integrity, combat, and how to head butt Krogans," said Nathaniel wryly as she laughed even harder. "In all honesty, love, I don't see this whole arrangement going belly-up, I see it being difficult for damn sure but not a complete and utter failure."

"I'm glad you see it similarly to me," she admitted quietly but he heard her regardless. "Most of the decisions I've made in my life have been difficult and had serious consequences for myself and others, but this seems to be the easiest one I've made in a long time."

Nathaniel cupped her cheek and caressed it with his thumb. "I completely agree."

They stood there in their embrace for what felt like hours, neither one wanting to look away and spoil the moment that had taken so long to reach. Suddenly there was a knock on the door and Nathaniel reluctantly pulled away to answer it, when he finally made it to the door and opened it, he was stunned.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter Eleven

"Hackett," said Nathaniel as he stepped aside and allowed the admiral to enter the small apartment, he glanced over at Shepard whom merely shrugged as Hackett walked past her and into the living room. Shepard and Nathaniel followed him, he was already sitting in the armchair Nathaniel had been in just minutes ago, a grim look etched into his features.

"Sit," he said casually and without thinking twice they sat on the couch, wondering what could have happened to bring Hackett away from his work in London. "I hear congratulations are in order, Shepard."

Shepard gave him the barest of smiles, her hand instinctively going to the small bump under her shirt. "Thank you, sir," she said calmly, peeking over at Nathaniel as she spoke and he grinned. "What brings you to our part of England?"

"I come with some important news," said Hackett evenly, his blue eyes staring straight through their souls. "It's been decided that you two have served your planet well and will be granted a peaceful life away from the Alliance."

Nathaniel saw right through his words, he and Shepard were going to be retiring whether they wanted to or not. "When was this decided?" he asked darkly, he did not want to outright call Hackett out on their forced retirement, but he wanted him to know that he knew what was going on.

Hackett looked at him and shook his head a little. "About a week ago, this was the soonest I could get out here to tell you," he said, answering their likely second question. "The new admiralty board thought it would be best for you not to have the pressures of active duty after all you suffered in the war. This is the galaxy's gift to you for all you did."

Neither Shepard nor Nathaniel was buying the old admiral's words, there was more to this forced retirement than he was letting on and he was just hiding behind words to keep them from arguing with him.

"That's bullshit, Hackett," snapped Shepard, her ice blue eyes narrowed as she spoke. "This has less to do about what we deserve and more to do with fucking politics."

The admiral dropped all pretenses and sighed heavily. "You're right, Shepard, and in all honesty this was not my idea nor was I in favor of your retirement. You and Coats have done excellent work and if it were up to me, you'd both be in London right now serving in new positions."

"Then why? Why after all I sacrificed and gave to the fucking Alliance am I being discarded?" she demanded, tears in her eyes.

"If you want to know, it's because of several reasons," admitted Hackett, his words bringing Nathaniel and Shepard to the edge of their seats. "First and foremost is your health. Shepard, your body's been through hell and even after your recovery, you're hardly ready to return to active duty. Coats, you've been shown to have terrible PTSD episodes induced at the slightest memory of the war and have anxiety being anywhere near a weapon. Your body's in better shape than Shepard's but you're still scarred mentally; which is the opposite of Shepard."

"Who testified as to our health?" asked Shepard, her hand reaching for Nathaniel's.

"Chakwas did," sighed Hackett and Shepard practically cut off the circulation to Nathaniel's hand she was squeezing so hard. "She submitted your physicals and psych evaluations to the board and they considered her statement to be well founded. Don't worry, Alenko and Vega were not brought in to give a testimony."

Shepard relaxed but not much, she was still too furious for that. "What other reasons brought about our retirement?"

"Your decision regarding the Crucible," he replied flatly. "While your choice defeated the Reapers, it also set us back several years which did not sit well with many of the species. I know the other options would have cost you both your lives, but you have to look at it from our standpoint; rebuilding almost everything from scratch has cost more resources than we anticipated, which took us away from other projects."

"So the one time I'm selfish is going to cost me my career," sneered Shepard as she tucked some hair behind her ear. "Would it just have been better for everyone concerned if Nate and I were dead? Should we have just picked a different option and let ourselves die so the galaxy would have it easier? Well guess what, choosing to die is a lot harder to do than simply being shot or killed in an explosion! Even if it was for the good of all, even if I was ready to make that call, I was still terrified and wanted to live; that's what it means to be human. I wanted to live, wanted to have some kind of a life, so I chose what would give me that; I'm sorry if I wasn't some noble hero, but I'm not a fucking Turian I'm a human!"

Hackett took her words with grace, not once did he try to interrupt or tell her that she was wrong as he understood her position completely. "I know, Shepard, I know. Again, I didn't agree with this decision or any of the arguments except about your physical health. Personally, I don't know if I could have made a different choice than the one you made. It's incredibly disrespectful for them to take that into account when none of them were faced with that choice, while it sounds easy to make a different call, it's very different when you're in that moment."

"At least you're on our side," said Nathaniel, speaking for the first time since hearing about their retirement. "It's hard to swallow that Chakwas testified against us but I can understand, after all she was the one who wanted to let Natalie die; I guess she wanted her to rest easy one way or another."

"Well, you aren't going to be happy with what I'm going to tell you next," said Hackett grimly as his gaze went back to Shepard. "Joker demanded that you be forbidden from being the commanding officer of the _Normandy_. He cited your decision regarding the Crucible, saying that permanently disabling the ship's AI is utterly irresponsible; he said he would refuse to fly for you as well. And the board agreed that it's easier to replace a commander than it is to find a pilot like Joker."

Nathaniel chanced a glance at Shepard, she was completely calm though he knew that meant she was absolutely livid, and she had every right to be. Someone she thought was her friend, someone she thought she could trust to always back her up had utterly betrayed her and had done it in a way that made it impossible for her to recover. Joker had taken away the first home she had had since she lost her parents; he had done something completely unforgiveable and knew it would hurt her deeply. He had been angry at the ceremony and afterwards, which is somewhat understandable considering it was his partner that had been killed but he did not have to stoop so low.

"Get out," said Shepard after a considerable pause. There was no room for questioning her command, the look on her face made that plain enough; very few people had ever seen that look on her face and survived.

"Shepard, please—" started Hackett but she was done listening to him.

"I said get out," she said, rising to her feet with the grace of the officer she was. "This is for your own protection, Hackett."

Hackett seemed to understand what she was telling him so he stood as well, Nathaniel following suit and he showed the admiral to the door. Nathaniel was still in shock about the forced retirement, he had expected to be allowed a desk job at the very least, not this; though at this point there was hardly anything he could do. Right now he was far more concerned about Shepard than he was about his career.

"Your retirements will kick in soon," said Hackett in a hushed voice as Nathaniel opened the door. "You'll be making enough to live comfortably for the rest of your lives, I saw to that myself."

"Thank you, sir," said Nathaniel as he glanced over his shoulder to see if Shepard was going to start charging. "I really appreciate you coming here to explain the situation yourself, I don't think Natalie would've taken this well if someone else had come."

"I know," said Hackett with a slight chuckle. "Make sure you take good care of her, Coats, and that baby too. I'll come back at some point and check in on you."

"I will and despite what Shepard said, you'll always be welcome here," said Nathaniel as the two men shook hands. "See you soon, Hackett."

Hackett nodded and then left through the door, Nathaniel taking the initiative and closing the door behind him. He paused for a moment, taking a deep breath to collect himself before he could go and face Shepard's wrath; he had faced worse than this in his career but this was the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with, so he had to prepare himself for the worst.

With new resolve he squared his shoulders and walked back into the living room where he found Shepard furiously pacing the length of the floor, her fingers running through her short black hair. He had expected to hear breaking plates and loud curses being screamed at the top of her lungs, kind of how she had behaved when he confronted her after she had started avoiding him. There was none of that, instead she was quietly fuming, probably going over possible assassination scenarios in her head; as he approached he prayed that she would not exact vengeance against Joker until after she had the baby. When she turned around to pace again he wrapped his arms around her shoulders, hoping this would help her though he was sure he would probably end up with a broken arm. Surprisingly, she did not resist his touch and instead stopped moving, placing her hands on his arms.

"How could he do this?" she asked, her voice cracking. "Why would Joker do this to me? I thought he was my brother, my friend. This is just . . . why?"

"I don't know, love," Nathaniel whispered in her ear as he started to stroke her bare shoulders. "I can't rightly understand it either, I mean, he always spoke about you in glowing terms whenever I asked him about you. I knew he was upset regarding EDI and wasn't too happy when he learned it was because of us, but that's no reason to betray you so callously."

"I should've let him die that day," she spat venomously, her nails digging into his skin. "If I hadn't have saved him that day on the _Normandy_, none of this would have happened and everything would be completely different. I would've been able to defeat the Collectors sooner rather than later and I wouldn't have had to rely on Cerberus for a new life and resources to defeat those bastards. Everything would've been different."

Nathaniel understood where her logic was coming from, she was upset and could not accept this situation right now, he could barely do that himself; he also knew that she would not change anything from her past given the chance. That was just how she was, even if right now she would have broken her former pilot's neck.

"You're right, love," he said after she had calmed down. "Everything would have been different; the war, your crew, even you. It might not have been for the better though, hell if things hadn't have worked out like they have, we might not be here together. I know you're angry, and you have every right to be, but you need to calm down and realize that despite everything that's happened it's worked out for us in the end."

"That's not exactly comforting," she said with a snort though she did relax somewhat. "Just so you know, if I see even the brim of Joker's hat again, I'll probably end up killing him or brutally maiming him."

Nathaniel chuckled as he planted a kiss on her cheek. "Just wait to do it until after our baby's been born alright, love? I'd hate for you to needlessly exert yourself while pregnant."

Shepard laughed as she leaned her head against his shoulder. "You know, now that we have all of this free time and we'll have some decent money coming it, we should probably start looking for a house."

"That's not a bad idea, love," he said thoughtfully. "The baby will need a place to live once it's here and as much as I like our flats, they aren't exactly what I expected to raise my child in. Does this mean you've accepted your retirement status?"

"I don't want to," she said softly. "I'd much rather be getting ready to go back on the active duty roster, but I guess that won't be happening ever again. Not now that my friends have turned against me. What about you, Nate? Are you ready to become a retiree?"

"Honestly, I'd have preferred serving a few more years," admitted Nathaniel, his hands moving down Shepard's arms to rest on her belly. "Retiring as a general isn't too bad, I suppose, and I guess it beats a desk job. Then again, being retired means we can pretty much do whatever we want without having to answer to a superior, and we can raise our family away from that way of life."

"I thought you enjoyed living in space," said Shepard, slightly surprised to hear that.

Nathaniel shrugged slightly. "I might have enjoyed it then, but I didn't like not having both of my parents around all of the time. I hated having them both for only a few days at a time then having to say good bye; I never wanted that kind of life for my children, and I tried to come up with ways to avoid that."

"I guess this was the ultimate way of avoiding that separation," said Shepard as she put her hands on his. "Do you really think we can do this, Nate? Live a quiet life away from the Alliance and have a family together?"

"I didn't take you as one to back down from a challenge, love," teased Nathaniel, kissing her on the neck.

"They've always said parenthood is the greatest challenge," she said with a grin. "And being stuck with you for the rest of my life wouldn't be too horrible, there are some benefits after all."

"I hope you're talking about my witty conversation and devilishly good looks," he warned gently.

"But of course," she said with a slight singsong voice.

Nathaniel let out a laugh and held her tighter. "You know, I thought you would have taken this much harder; you know, breaking stuff and cursing me to the heavens."

"I thought you didn't deserve that again, especially twice in one day," said Shepard kindly. "But if you'd prefer that kind of reaction, I'd be more than happy to oblige."

"No, no," said Nathaniel quickly. "I don't need that, not again. This is very nice."

"Good," said Shepard simply.

Both of them had just had their worlds turned upside down for the second time, yet this time they did not feel like it was the end or a struggle; this time they knew they could handle this situation. Though picking out a house might not be as easy as they thought.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter Twelve

Sunlight peaked through the slightly opened blinds, the rays of light angled just so that they hit Nathaniel's sleeping form, causing him to stir and awaken from another night of somewhat peaceful sleep. He was not having as many nightmares as before though he would still have flashes of some disturbing scenes he would rather forget. Tentatively he opened his eyes and saw the light coming in through the window, a welcome sight. Gingerly he sat up and stretched his arms high above his head, then looked appreciatively at his bedmate; Shepard was laying semi sprawled out on her back on the other side of the bed. Her now much larger belly caused her lower half to be turned on its side, though her torso remained unturned. Nathaniel was always astonished at how she slept so comfortably in such awkward positions.

Shepard snored gently, something she swore she did not do despite what he told her, and he grinned down at her, just watching as she slept. She looked so happy and worry free when she slept, sometimes he was tempted to take a picture of her like this just so he could show her but always thought better of that; she probably would not like that. Carefully he leaned over and pressed a small kiss on her forehead, causing her eyes to flutter slightly but she did not wake up, instead she made a small pleasant sound and then turned over on her side. Nathaniel chuckled softly as he pulled the quilt over her shoulder then let his hand wander down to her covered belly; he waited a moment before he felt his child kick against his palm, making him grin. Their baby was due to be born in a few days and he could not be happier.

Without making a sound, he moved out of bed and was across the floor then out the door before Shepard could even register that he was missing from the bed. He made his way down the stairs and into the kitchen, making a mental list of what ingredients he would need in order to make a proper breakfast for Shepard, just like he did almost every morning. Since they had moved in together, Nathaniel had taken it upon himself to make sure she got what she needed while pregnant; he had been on the receiving end too many times whenever she was denied a craving. He knew what she typically liked for breakfast, foods mainly consisting of high levels of protein, so he was often able to make her happy first thing in the morning. That was if they were able to make it downstairs in time for breakfast.

He pulled out eggs and bacon, a few frying pans, and then set about making the meal. They had lived in their new house a little over six months now, and Nathaniel could barely remember the time before they lived here, everything had gone so well lately he almost forgot how bad of a start things had been. Needless to say, getting Shepard to agree on a house had been something he did not want to repeat; she had been so critical of all she had been shown that he almost gave up until they were shown the two story cottage they now called home. Then moving and getting new furniture had been a chore, most of their old stuff had to be thrown out as Shepard declared it inappropriate for their home and they went to London to shop for new stuff. The only thing they agreed on was the nursery, which had been decorated in a beach theme at Shepard's request, and Nathaniel was surprised to find that he did not hate the idea as much as he had hated decorating the other rooms. The other rooms had resulted in a war of words and rough make up sessions on the floor of the room they happened to be fighting about.

"Too bad we're done remodeling," he whispered wryly as he poured the eggs into the pan and started cooking. He had yet to find another job since his retirement had been finalized shortly after Hackett's last visit but he was not too concerned about that, he was enjoying being home too much. Sure they were still upset at having to retire before they were ready, but they had put their new free time to good use; they sponsored various charity events all over the country, visited areas that had been devastated by the war and offered funds for rebuilding, and went to countless memorials honoring entire units of fallen soldiers. The memorials were always the hardest to attend; no matter what, they always knew at least one person whom had served with that unit and they usually brought up painful memories about the war. They had even made a trip to Dublin and visited Fitz's grave; his wife and daughters' bodies were never recovered, so their names were included on the tombstone.

Nathaniel swallowed hard as he thought about the only man in his former unit to have made it to the end of the war alive, he had been so hopeful about having a new life with his family and he was so confident that things would turn out for everyone. To know he met his end at his own hand had been devastating to Coats, for days he had blamed himself and thought there had to have been some sign he missed. Shepard had comforted him through that told him that he was not responsible for his friend's death, then she found out she was pregnant and avoided him for days. Honestly, the only thing that really helped him get over his grief, or at least bring him back to a functioning human, was knowing he was going to be a father.

"Smells really good in here," said Shepard from behind him, bringing him from his dark thoughts. "Oh! Eggs and bacon, my favorite." She was standing behind him now and leaned up to kiss his cheek. "You know me so well, Nate."

"It's part of my job," he said with a smile as she started getting things together to make a peach smoothie, something else she usually had in the morning as a way to perk herself up. She had had to find an alternative to coffee when she became pregnant and until she discovered smoothies, she had been very difficult in the mornings.

"Your child's been incredibly active this morning," she grumbled as she started peeling peaches. "He kicked me so hard in the kidneys, I almost wet the bed; and these false contractions are really getting on my nerves."

"I'm sorry, love," said Nathaniel sincerely. He knew this was all part of the normal pregnancy experience, having read many books on the subject, but Shepard's body had just recovered recently from a horrific ordeal and this pregnancy was just added stress.

She was able to deal with most of the changes and some of the pain that went with it, though they were always concerned whenever a scarred up or previously injured area started to hurt. They had been to the doctors far too often for Shepard's liking, which is why she had insisted on a midwife and a homebirth when given the option. The last thing she wanted was to have her baby in the hospital or be stuck there for days because they wanted to run more tests on her battered body. The last round of tests had resulted in the recommendation that she not get pregnant again, a recommendation she had shot down with a very intense glare. Shepard was not about to be told what her body could and could not do by people who knew very little about her, despite her lengthy medical file.

"I hope they go away soon," she sighed as she started the blender, watching as the ingredients started to blend together. "Makes it very difficult for me to move or do much of anything at the moment."

"I could always call Jenny and see if she has any recommendations," said Nathaniel cautiously. Jenny was their assigned midwife from the birthing center and right from the start had butted heads with Shepard; they could not agree on anything from her diet to what she should do to get ready for the birth. Nathaniel was half convinced that Shepard was being difficult on purpose just to irritate the poor midwife for her amusement.

"Possibly, if moving around does nothing for me," replied Shepard, being unusually cooperative about the midwife. "Honestly, I don't want to see anyone today, I'm not exactly in the best mood."

"Never stopped people from coming around, love," teased Nathaniel as he flipped the bacon over and took the eggs off the stove. Then the doorbell rang.

"Oh just perfect," mumbled Shepard as she added more yogurt to her smoothie.

"I'll get it," said Nathaniel with a sigh. "Just watch the bacon and make sure it doesn't burn."

"Will do," she said with a wave as he went to the front door.

When he opened the door, he half expected to see Kaidan, James, and possibly Trinity on his doorstep wanting breakfast but to his great surprise it was Admiral Hackett.

"Sir," said Nathaniel, stunned to see that admiral once again. "Good morning."

"Good morning to you as well, Coats," said Hackett pleasantly. "Are you going to invite me in or is Shepard getting ready to put a bullet between my eyes."

His words shook Nathaniel from his daze and he laughed. "Hardly, she's reserving that honor for Joker," he replied as he stepped aside and allowed the admiral to enter. "Shepard's in the kitchen at the moment, we were just getting breakfast ready. Would you care to join us?"

"Thank you, but I'd hate to impose," said Hackett as he followed Nathaniel into the kitchen. "I'm really here just to make sure you and Shepard are settling into retirement well."

"It's really no problem," insisted Nathaniel as he entered the kitchen. "Nat, we've got company for breakfast."

There was an audible growl from Shepard as she slammed her glass down on the counter. "Is it Vega and his nurse?" she asked through gritted teeth as she poured herself a glass of her smoothie.

"No, but you might want to act a little nicer," said Nathaniel sternly as he went back over to the bacon, relieved to find that it was not burnt as he had feared. Quickly he took it out of the pan and put it on a plate along with Shepard's scrambled eggs.

"It had better not be Joker," she said darkly, glaring at him before taking a drink of her smoothie. "If it is, I'm going to find the pistol you hid and blast his brains out."

"That's not an advisable move, Shepard," said Hackett sternly; the sound of his voice causing Shepard to spin around so fast she almost went in a complete circle. "Joker's a member of the Alliance and it would not look good on you to kill a fellow soldier, no matter what rotten and underhanded thing he did to you."

Shepard was neither pleased nor upset to see the admiral standing in her kitchen, preferring to keep her face neutral as she moved to sit at the small table they used as a place to eat breakfast. "Please sit, Admiral," she said with an air of indifference, indicating the seat furthest away from her. Hackett nodded and sat at the spot she had designated, doing an excellent job of not saying anything that might upset her further. "What brings you here today?"

"I was in the neighborhood and wanted to see how well you and Coats were adjusting to civilian life," replied Hackett pleasantly. "I had heard that you two were throwing yourselves into charity work and have been present at almost every memorial service held in the last few months. I have to say I'm surprised that you didn't hijack the _Normandy_ and become pirates, some of us had a bet going that you'd spend retirement making our lives more difficult that way."

Shepard snorted as Nathaniel placed her breakfast in front of her. "Believe me, I considered it," she said stiffly. "Then Nate told me that being pregnant might inhibit my ability to raid Alliance ships; so I've decided to wait on that until the baby's at least three before jet setting as a pirate."

Hackett laughed. "Well, I'll take some comfort in that I guess. Anyway, how are you settling into retirement? By the looks of this place, I'd say you were adjusting well."

"We are," said Shepard stiffly as she took a bite of her eggs. "We have a beautiful home close to our friends, we're about to start a family, and we've dedicated most of our free time to honoring the fallen and to charity work. All in all it's been very fulfilling being retired, though I wish it had been my choice instead of an alternative to prison."

"It's good to see that you've maintained your sense of humor," said Hackett dryly and Shepard smirked. "You should know that the _Normandy_ is going to be retired as well, much to Joker's dismay, and turned into a war memorial museum. She'll be permanently housed at Alliance HQ in Vancouver, and I'm inviting you to the opening gala in a few months time."

Shepard could not help but grin, after all he did to get rid of her, Joker was losing everything he cared about as well; she thought that was much better revenge than putting a bullet in his head. "So what's Joker going to be doing?" asked Shepard lightly, trying not to let too much glee slip into her voice.

"Not sure, actually," said Hackett with a shrug. "He refuses to pilot anything but the _Normandy_ and his disease is getting worse. My guess is he'll put in for retirement here shortly then ask to live in Vancouver to be close to the ship."

"Is it wrong that I'm happy about that?" she asked Nathaniel, her lips trembling as she tried to keep from grinning.

"Not necessarily," he replied slowly. "Just remember love, what goes around comes around."

"And it certainly bit Joker in the ass," she said with a loud laugh before she grimaced and clutched her belly. She thought it was another false labor contraction but that one felt stronger than the other ones, actually it felt pretty real.

Nathaniel looked over at her, his eyes wide and filled with concern. "Are you alright, love?"

Shepard nodded as she tried to stand up, her belly feeling like it was getting tighter and tighter the more she moved. "I'm fine," she said with a slight groan. "Just a really strong Braxton Hicks."

"They haven't been that strong before, have they?" asked Nathaniel worriedly as he stood up and helped her out of her seat.

"No, at least, I don't think so," she said with slight panic in her voice. The next thing she felt was a huge rush of liquid come from between her legs.


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: Here it is, the final chapter of FTLoS! In honor of Mother's Day, I thought I would post this chapter to show how strong and wonderful mothers are, even Shepard! Please enjoy.**

* * *

Chapter Thirteen

Nathaniel tried to remain calm as he helped Shepard into bed, they had prepared for this event after all and so far he had no reason to be concerned, but he was about to become a father and that was reason enough to be scared. He made sure Shepard was comfortable before he made a dash downstairs, hoping that Hackett had already left before he made a call to the local midwife that their baby was on the way. The old admiral was still sitting at the kitchen table they had left him at when Shepard's water broke just mere minutes ago, an obvious look of concern on his face.

"Is everything alright?" he asked when he saw Nathaniel enter the room looking like he had seen a ghost.

"Yeah, um, Nat's water broke," Nathaniel managed to get out as he fumbled for the phone, wondering exactly what the number was for the midwife even though it was written beside the phone. He dropped the phone three times before he managed to keep it in his grip. "Damn it, my hands are shaking."

"Here," said Hackett as he took the receiver from Nathaniel's hands. "You need to be with Shepard right now. I'll make sure the midwife gets here in time."

Nathaniel nodded dumbly, the admiral's words barely registering in his mind at the moment. "Alright, yeah, I'll just go upstairs then," he said lamely before taking off back up the stairs, headed straight for his and Shepard's room.

He honestly had no idea what he was doing right now, his body seemed to move of its own accord as he tried to wrap his thinking around the fact he was about to become a father. While he and Shepard had discussed many times what to possibly expect and what it might be like in this moment and afterwards, somehow none of it actually described the elation and fear that was at war within him. On one hand he was incredibly excited to finally be a father, to get to know the life he helped to create and mold it into a fine, upstanding human being; though if this child was even the slightest bit like him or Shepard, this would be undoubtedly challenging. On the other, he was down right petrified; he knew nothing about what it took to be a father or how to raise anything, all he knew was how to train and work with soldiers, which was probably not appropriate for raising a child. What excited him most was finding out if he was having a son or daughter, they had decided to keep the gender under wraps and wait until it was born though he had thought finding out about the baby was exciting enough.

When he entered the room, Shepard was breathing slow and deeply which indicated to him that she was in the middle of what must have been a very intense contraction. Part of him wanted to go over and hold her hand to help her work through the pain, but the smarter part of him knew that that would be the dumbest thing he could possibly do at that moment. Instead he opted to wait by the bed until she looked like she was no longer in the midst of a contraction, thinking that was his best option.

"I thought you were calling Jenny," said Shepard once she had gathered enough breath to speak.

"Hackett took that over," he said as he sat down beside her, smiling as she grimaced. "He told me that my place was with you during this time and not to worry about little things like holding a telephone."

Shepard laughed despite the sharp pain in her back. "I thought I heard you dropping the phone downstairs, I'm surprised you didn't break it."

Nathaniel shrugged. "You and me both, no one said labor was easy on the fathers."

"Well, try going through it," huffed Shepard as she tried to ignore a contraction that seized her body; she felt as if the inside of her body was being rearranged entirely. "I hope Jenny gets here soon and has some good news for me."

"What better news could there be than that we're going to be parents?" asked Nathaniel with a small lilt in his voice. "This day will be one to remember."

"I'm glad one of us is optimistic," sighed Shepard as she rolled over onto her side and gripped the bedpost, being in labor meant she was completely at her body's mercy, a truth she had yet to reconcile with. She had tried to prepare herself for this moment, for when her body would override her commands and take control and she thought she was prepared, but she was sadly mistaken. There was still part of her fighting the control, wanting to be in charge of what was happening and it was that small part of her that prevented her from relaxing and letting her body do as it needed.

* * *

The midwife showed up a short while later and was shown to the bedroom by Hackett just as a particularly sharp contraction gripped Shepard's body and tore a primal cry from her mouth. Both Hackett and the midwife looked at each other worriedly, neither sure what to make of that sound.

"Good luck, Midwife Jenny, I salute you," said Hackett after a pause and he saluted the young midwife before retreating to the safety of the sitting room. Jenny scowled at the admiral as he made his departure, she knew Shepard was an infamously bad patient and that she had not accepted being pregnant well, right now she wished she had been some other woman's midwife. With a deep breath she opened the door, just in time to nearly collide with Nathaniel whom was directly on the other side.

"Oh thank god," he said, obviously relieved to see her. "I thought you were never coming, you were taking so long. I was just about to go out and look for you, actually."

Jenny could not help but smile; she always found the sight of nervous fathers-to-be amusing and to a certain extent charming, as they will do almost anything they are told if it means helping their partner. Nathaniel had been exceptionally helpful to Jenny during her visits with Shepard and had gone above and beyond what was expected of him when it came to being involved with his unborn child. She assumed she would expect no less from him for this monumental event.

"Well, I'm here now," she said pleasantly as she stepped around him and into the bedroom. Her eyes fell on Shepard who was kneeling on the floor with her head and arms on the mattress, rocking her hips as she dealt with another contraction, which seemed to be taking all of her attention as she had yet to snap or verbally assault Jenny as she had in the past. "Hello, Natalie," said Jenny tentatively as she approached her patient. "Is there anything you need?"

Shepard let out a short bark of laughter. "I need something to knock me on my ass and numb me from the neck down," she said, her tone slightly winded. "I'm glad you're here, Jenny, maybe you can calm Nate down so he'll stop fretting over me every ten seconds."

"I think the pain's made you delirious," said Jenny as she put her bag on the bed and started pulling out a few instruments and gloves. "Nate dear, could you please put some hot water on? And while you're at it, have a cup of tea and a biscuit to calm yourself, we'll call you when we need you."

Nathaniel nodded before he dashed out of the room, closing the door behind him. Both women let out a sigh of relief, while they knew he would be back at some point it was good to have him gone for now, it meant they could be left to their roles in peace. Jenny knelt beside Shepard, unsure of how she would react to her first procedure.

"Natalie, I'm going to check and see how dilated you are," she said finally, watching her patient for any signs of resistance or lashing out.

Shepard merely nodded her head as best she could. "Do you need me to change positions or will this do for you?"

"This is just fine," replied Jenny, very surprised at how cooperative Shepard was being given their previous encounters. Carefully she reached under Shepard's clothes and checked to see how far she had progressed, amazed slightly to find that she was farther along than she had thought. "You're at six centimeters," she announced as she stood and started to prepare the bed, only to find that it had been done already. "Looks like you've been ready for my visit, Natalie."

"Figured it would give you time to inject the pain meds," groaned Shepard, desperately trying to breathe as the next contraction nearly knocked the breath from her lungs. "Fuck, this is painful, I don't think my body can take much more of this."

Jenny was just as concerned as Shepard was about her body's precarious situation of just having recovered from major wounds though she did not voice her worries, her job was to be there for her patient and reassure her that everything would work out. "Women in worse shape than you have given birth just fine," she said, projecting an air confidence she did not feel. "Now, I need you relax and let your body do the work, your focus should be staying in a safe and comfortable position for you and baby."

"You're the boss," sighed Shepard as she readjusted her position, knowing that she was probably going to be in this state for a while.

* * *

Shepard's labor progressed slowly from that point onward, in two hours she barely dilated another centimeter and it was well into the night when Jenny declared her at nine. By that time, Shepard had almost given up hope that she would be able to stay away from the hospital, she knew if nothing happened soon her baby would be in serious danger and so would she. Nathaniel had been banned from the room as Jenny felt his constant questions and worrying would put too much stress on her, but in hindsight she could have used the distraction and his presence had a sort of calming effect on her at times. She desperately wanted something to happen soon, otherwise she might just ask Jenny to use her omni-blade and cut the baby out.

"You're doing beautifully, Natalie," said Jenny, trying to sound encouraging but she came across as tired. "I'm sure baby wants to come out, he's just having a time of it."

"No shit," muttered Shepard as her fists twisted in the bed sheets. Jenny had helped her move back onto the bed a while ago, hoping that the shift in position would stimulate something but that had not helped as much as they had hoped. "Jenny, please get Nathaniel, I really need him here."

Jenny was about to protest and tell her that he would be there when she started pushing, yet she heard the desperation in Shepard's voice and saw the concern in her eyes; she was worried something might happen and she wanted him by her side just in case. That was why she relented and left the room to fetch Nathaniel.

* * *

"You're needed upstairs," said Jenny as she entered the sitting room, surprised to see that a few more people had arrived since the last time she had been downstairs.

Nathaniel instantly jumped to his feet, seemingly prepared for this moment though he was curious why Jenny seemed so upset. "I'm ready," he said though his voice shook as he spoke. "Is Nat doing alright?"

Jenny did not answer right away, something that concerned him greatly though he tried not to show it too much; right now that was not how he needed to behave.

"She's doing as well as one could expect in the situation," she said lightly, and then she gave him the barest of smiles. "Nathaniel dear, who are all of these people?"

"Our family," said Nathaniel simply. "The gentleman in the armchair is Natalie's brother Kaidan and the bulkier bloke standing beside him is her other brother James. I called them some time ago when I thought my child would be here sooner."

"I'm sure they'll be graced with baby's presence soon enough," she said happily as she beckoned for him to follow her.

* * *

When they arrived upstairs, they heard a strange moaning sound coming from the bedroom and both nearly tackled each other trying to get in wondering what could have been happening to cause her to make such a noise. They saw Shepard still sitting on the bed though seemingly in a trance, her breathing was even despite the fact she was probably in pain and her face no longer held any tension. She seemed to have finally accepted what she had been fighting against and had allowed her body to do what it needed.

"I think I'm ready to push," she said after a few moments and suddenly she felt Nathaniel's presence at her side. "What do you think, Jen?"

Jenny immediately went over to Shepard and checked her again, relieved to find that she was fully dilated and that the baby's head was right there. "I'd say you're right, Natalie," she said as she started to pull some things from her bag. "Nathaniel, if you'd kindly take Natalie's hand I believe she's ready to deliver your child."

Nathaniel's heart raced at the words and he held Shepard's hand, though not too tightly then braced himself for when she started to squeeze it, knowing it would probably hurt like hell.

"All right Natalie," said Jenny as she perched herself at the end of the bed close to Shepard's feet. "I need you to give me a great big push on your next contraction, just like I told you."

Shepard grunted in response before bearing down, concentrating solely on breathing and pushing her child from her body. She continued pushing for a few minutes and just pushing for the few seconds she was allotted every minute took more strength than she thought; she very nearly collapsed against the pillows behind her when Jenny told her to rest, that was when she felt Nathaniel's hand in hers. She knew he would be holding it, he had declared as much when they discussed birthing plans, but what she did not expected was for him to be gripping it so tightly against hers; that was when she saw her hand clenched around his. He was giving her strength, letting her know that even though she felt as if there was no way she could continue she still had something left.

"One more push, Natalie, I know it's hard," said Jenny, her voice dragging Shepard back to the moment. "Baby's head is right there, just one more push."

"You can do this, love," whispered Nathaniel encouragingly, squeezing her hand for emphasis. "Our child is about to be born all because of you, don't give up now."

His words renewed her and she sat up without assistance, something she had been unable to do all night and without another word she closed her eyes and started to push as if she had not been doing so for several long minutes. Suddenly there was a release and she felt something slide from between her legs, then there was a cry that brought tears to her eyes.

"You did it, love!" said Nathaniel happily, tears running down his face as he watched Jenny finish delivering their child. "Oh, what a beautiful baby."

"He certainly is," agreed Jenny as she cut the cord and wrapped the newborn in a soft towel. "General, Rear Admiral, meet your beautiful baby boy!"

"I have a son!" cried Nathaniel as Shepard accepted their bundle of joy from Jenny.

"He's perfectly healthy," reported Jenny as she wiped a few tears from her eyes. "All ten fingers and all ten toes, and from what I can tell he's a big boy too."

"He gets that from his father," said Nathaniel proudly.

Jenny blushed. "I meant he probably weighs a lot."

Shepard burst out laughing and Nathaniel looked mortified when he realized what he had said, though to her credit Jenny just laughed along with them instead of giving him a hard time.

"I hope he didn't get your gift of putting your foot in your mouth," laughed Shepard as she nestled the baby against her chest. "But you're right, he's beautiful and absolutely perfect."

The little baby opened his eyes at the sound of her voice and stared up at her with perfectly clear grey eyes, his father's eyes, and she felt her heart instantly melt; she had been so worried about whether or not she would be capable of letting him into her heart, now she knew she had given it to him long ago. Just like his father, he had won her heart long before she admitted it, and she was surprised to find herself so happy when before she had resisted.

"Do you have a name picked out for this handsome boy?" asked Jenny cheerfully as she cleaned up Shepard.

Nathaniel was hesitant to answer, he and Shepard had discussed possible names but they had nothing definite. "Um, well—" he started when Shepard interrupted him.

"Gregory Patrick Shepard-Coats," she said without hesitation, and hearing the name surprised Nathaniel greatly. She had given their son his father's name and his own middle name as his son's first name, he had thought for sure she was going to name him after her own father or perhaps one of her fallen comrades.

"A good, strong name," said Jenny as she finished her task. "I'll go downstairs and inform your family that Gregory's now here, will you want visitors soon?"

"In a few minutes if you don't mind," said Shepard, her voice soft as she spoke, which was a far cry from its normal tone. "Oh and Jenny, thank you for everything."

Jenny smiled kindly at Shepard before she left the room, thinking now that maybe being Shepard's midwife had not been such a bad decision on her part after all. She left the new parents in peace, at least for the moment.

"You did wonderfully, love," whispered Nathaniel as he reached over and stroked the top of his son's head gingerly. "He was certainly worth it all."

"I agree completely," said Shepard before leaning over and kissing Gregory's forehead, eliciting a small coo from the baby. "Why don't you go get everyone and bring them up here?"

"Okay, I'll be back soon," said Nathaniel and he kissed her forehead before leaving.

Shepard watched him go and when he closed the door behind him, she turned her attention to the little boy wriggling in her arms, obviously wanting some kind of attention from her, which she was only too happy to give him. Gently she freed his arms and watched in wonder as his small hand clasped around her fingertip, she was impressed with how strong he was already and wondered briefly if he would be more like her or Nathaniel when he grew up.

"I want you to know something, Gregory and I don't want you to forget it either," she whispered, her lips brushing his cheek. "No matter what happens, no matter who tries, no one will keep us apart. You are my son, my child, and I will always do everything I can to make sure you're safe and loved; I don't ever want you to think that I don't love you either, because I do with all of my heart and I will never leave you."

Gregory blinked a few times then cooed again as if telling his mother that he understood what she was saying and agreed. His grip on her finger increased and she grinned broadly, she had a feeling he actually did know what she was saying which could only mean trouble for herself and Nathaniel later on.

"Where's my nephew?" asked Kaidan as he entered the room, a huge smile on his face as if she had just given birth to his child.

"He's right here, Kai," she said happily and she passed Gregory to Kaidan, making sure to keep his head elevated at all times. "Please be careful."

Kaidan chuckled warmly as he held Gregory close to his chest. "I wouldn't dream of dropping him, Nat, so don't worry. What's his name? Coats didn't tell us when he came for us."

"Gregory Patrick Shepard-Coats," replied Shepard proudly as James and Hackett walked in the room with Nathaniel bringing up the rear.

"He'll make a fine soldier someday," said Kaidan happily as he stroked Gregory's dark hair. "If you're lucky, he might make Admiral of the Fifth Fleet."

"Don't be too eager to replace me, Alenko, this little one still has to grow up before I step down," said Hackett as he took Gregory from Kaidan. "Your uncle's right though, Gregory, you'll be a fantastic soldier someday like your parents."

"Just so long as you aren't forcibly retired and betrayed by friends," muttered Shepard darkly, fortunately no one heard her.

"Hand him over, old man," said James as he somehow managed to swipe Gregory straight from Hackett's arms. "I don't know if he'll be a soldier one day, but with those eyes he'll be a lady killer for sure."

"And a troublemaker," chimed in Kaidan as Gregory was passed to Nathaniel. "Hey Nat, do you know if that midwife of yours is single? I mean, well, for James' sake incase things with Trinity don't work out."

"Don't drag me into this," said James sternly as Hackett shook his head. "You're the one who was grinning at her like an idiot and she was giving you a thorough once over."

Shepard laughed. "Sounds like she fancies you, Kai, and to answer your original question she's in fact single. Now, go ask her out before someone better comes along and sweeps her off her feet."

Kaidan rolled his eyes playfully while the others laughed at his expense. "Fine, fine, I'll take your advice. C'mon Vega, let's leave these two alone with their new baby and celebrate on their behalf!"

"Alright, I'll call up Trin and we'll go to that nice pub at the edge of town," said James happily as they started to leave the room. "We'll be by tomorrow, possibly."

"Bye, boys!" called Shepard as they left, leaving Hackett alone with them.

"Well, I certainly didn't expect my visit to be so eventful," he said with a slight chuckle. "I'm glad this one didn't end as poorly as the other one."

"Don't get too smug about that," warned Shepard as Nathaniel settled in beside her with Gregory in his arms. "If it had been up to me, you wouldn't be here in the first place."

Hackett nodded. "I understand that, Shepard, which is why I won't impose on you any longer. Congratulations you two, thank you as well for everything you've done for the Alliance and the galaxy."

He left without another word and Nathaniel had a feeling that would be the last time he saw him, though he decided not to dwell on that. Right now his focus was going to be on being a devoted father to Gregory and a committed partner to Shepard, nothing else in the galaxy mattered. Nathaniel sighed happily as he pulled his two treasures in his arms, he had been to hell and back many times over, and he knew that this was his reward for all of the sacrifices he had made over the years and all he had been through. The challenge of reaching this moment had been as excruciating as it had been pleasant, and while he knew it could have been done differently, he still would not change a single thing.


	14. Chapter 14: Epilogue

**A/N: Just a fluffy ending for this couple. I thought they deserved it. SparklyQuarians, I hope I have done this couple justice, and I'm so glad you have loved this story so far. Thank the Maker I finally finished it! Enjoy!**

* * *

Chapter Fourteen: Epilogue

The blue ocean went as far as the eye could see, the waves lapped up against the sandy shore leaving small trails of sea foam behind when they retreated away. The roar of the waves could be heard from miles away though there was hardly anybody left to hear them, save for one woman. Shepard drew a breath deep into her lungs savoring the salty smell and clean ocean breeze that filled her body once again. There was something about the sea that had always completed her, given her a sense of calm, and made her feel like she was not alone in the world.

"Look, Abby," she whispered to the small child in her arms. "Isn't it pretty?"

The little girl turned her head, focusing her crystal blue eyes on the wide expanse of water before her and smiled, even at barely a year old she was more intuitive than most adults and knew what she was looking at was special. She looked expectantly up at her mother, patting a small hand against the woman's chest before nestling herself on Shepard's shoulder. The little girl giggled as her mother gently tickled her sides, the sound making the older woman smile and laugh.

"When you're bigger, Abigail, I'll teach you how to swim," said Shepard as she held the girl tighter against her chest, afraid that she might leap from her arms and into the ocean.

"Me too, Mummy!" said her young son Gregory as he approached his mother and sister from atop his father's shoulders. "I'm going to swim all the way home!"

His parents smiled at each other and shook their heads, their son was constantly getting ideas into his head that seemed improbable and ridiculous, but then again his parents were known for that kind of thinking. Gregory tapped his father's hand and Nathaniel took that as a sign that he wanted down, so he knelt into the sand and helped him down.

"Don't go into the surf!" called Shepard as Gregory went straight for the ocean, stopping just short of the water. Shepard was curious as to what he was doing and watched as he leaned down and picked up a seashell, from her position she could tell that it was white and flat; he turned back around to them with a huge smile on his face before he came charging up.

"Mummy, Daddy, look!" he said happily, showing them his treasure. "It looks just like Mummy's!"

Shepard immediately recognized the seashell as a sand dollar, an uncommon but extremely valuable find in this world. "That's called a sand dollar," she said before Gregory could ask. "They're very rare, even when I was your age, it's said if you find one you'll be blessed."

"Wow," whispered Gregory, turning the shell over in his hands. "Do you think I could turn this one into a necklace like yours, Mummy?"

Instinctively Shepard's fingers brushed against the small silver dollar that hung from her throat, a small token from her old life from before she was Commander Shepard, Savior of the Galaxy. The shell was not real, just a pressed piece of metal her mother had made her for a birthday present before she died, but she did not want to hurt her son's feelings.

"We'll see," said Nathaniel before she had the chance. "I believe sand dollars are very fragile and this one's a little bit too big for a necklace, though I'm sure we could make it into something else."

Gregory's grey eyes lit up at the thought, and without another word he handed his treasure to his father and went running back to the water, his black hair shining brightly in the sun. Shepard smiled as she watched her son kick the water and sand, the way he behaved any one would have assumed this was his first time being at a beach when in fact he had been several times before back home. He was such a curious and capable child she almost always had to remind herself that he still needed her.

"This place is beautiful, Nat," said Nathaniel softly as he gazed out at the shimmering waters. "I can see why you missed it so much."

"Well, there aren't any white cliffs," she said with a laugh as she shifted Abigail in her arms to her other side. "I think Greg really likes it here."

"You think?" asked Nathaniel derisively. "He's like you in that way I guess, I used to hate going to the beach and being in the water. Our kids are like you, they take to water like fish and seem to love being covered in sand."

Shepard had to keep from laughing, Nathaniel might be a tough Marine but he still had a few unexpected hang-ups that made him all the more endearing. "You might have a point there," she said gently as she took his hand in hers, feeling the metal band on his ring finger press into her palm. "It's hard to believe that we're actually here."

Nathaniel moved his hand so he was holding hers, gently squeezing it before he spoke. "I know, it seems like an impossible dream after all we've been through. It makes me glad though that you were able to keep your promise after so many years, I thought for a while I'd end up visiting Florida for an entirely different reason."

"I know," she said without looking at him, knowing exactly what he was referring to. "So, now that we've been to each other's past hometowns, where else do you think we should go? Explore the galaxy and all its wonders?"

"I'm not sure actually," said Nathaniel as he brought her and their daughter against his chest, his arms wrapped securely around them as he watched his son play in the waves. "Just promise me that we'll go together."

"Deal," she said with a smile, her gaze fixed on the horizon as she thought about what life might bring them next.


End file.
